Been To Hell

Chapter 13: Oh Boy.

Luckily, it was a quick drive from home to the restaurant but not knowing what tonight was actually for made me feel sick to my stomach. Pat and I were greeted at the door by our good friend, Austin. He wore a purple dress shirt with a black blazer and dress pants. He greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek before the two men escorted me into the restaurant kindly. I had my arm looped around Pat's in a very 1800's young lovers kind of way.

"Surprise!" A large group of our friends shouted from the table with jolly grins and happy faces. I placed my hand over my racing heart and looked up at Pat with wide eyes.

"What is this?" I asked breathlessly. He shrugged with a charming smile.

"I figured you deserved a get together with some friends before you go on your book tour." He replied honestly. I laughed and blushed at his kindness towards me. He's always out doing himself, last time I went on a book tour he wanted to take me away for a weekend before I left. We went to Miami for the entire weekend and enjoyed the sun there. Pat and I shared a quick kiss before I went on to greet our friends. But before I could my heart stopped mid beat. My stomach felt like it was about to launch everything I've consumed today back up my throat. There, sitting beside two empty seats was the black haired blue eyed man I swore I'd never fall in love with ever again. And yet, here I am, fallen back in love with the man in a white dress shirt and black blazer. Well then . . . Tonight is going to be so much fun.

We stood there, for what seemed like millenniums, just staring at each other. Seeing him made me feel homesick. Homesick for his embrace. Homesick for the feeling of his skin travelling over mine, or his lips tracing mine effortlessly. Homesick for his smell as it clung to everything his body touched. Homesick for his sound. I was homesick for him. Like I was when he first went away on tour when we were still full of love and happiness, before the doubt, lies and manipulation came along. I was back under his spell; then again, when haven't I been under his enchantment? There hasn't been a day that's gone by where something or someone hasn't reminded me of him. I'm being serious, though. Every day I see something or someone that reminds me of him. Maybe it's a simple as a word he'd use regularly or it could be curly black hair. But there hasn't been a day where I haven't thought about who I left behind, the person before all of the drama that tore us apart. The Matt I fell in love with unexpectedly that day.

"Are you okay?" I heard Pat's voice whisper in my ear, snapping me out of my longing gaze. I blinked a few times then turned to him with a blank expression. I morphed it into something pleasing and pretty, as if I wasn't mentally and emotionally warring with my past and present self.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just shocked that you did all of this for me." I giggled flirtatiously in reply to through him off of the internal distress I was undergoing. 'I wonder if he knows the history Matt and I have.' I wondered silently. Pat knows I was in a pretty good relationship before him but towards the end it had gotten rocky. But I never told him who I was in a relationship with. I never mentioned names.

I took a deep breath before he led me to my seat. To my greatest pleasure, he planted me right between him and Matt. Oh, how this was a physical representation of a metaphor of where I am mentally and emotionally right now. My past self is screaming to ditch Pat and go back to Matt but my present self is reminding me of all the lies, the cheating, the hate and violence. And of how long it took me to actually get over Matt.

After a few minutes of observing everyone enjoying their conversations and their drinks around the large table I heard someone whisper to my left.

"It's nice seeing you again."

I looked over to see Matt looking at me with tired blue eyes and a surreal look on his face. I kept my hands on my knees to prevent myself from either slapping the shit out of him or grabbing his face to kiss him. I pursed my lips, nodding once at him softly.