Been To Hell

Chapter 17: Grow Up.

"Do you want anything while I'm in there?" I asked my manager, Jocelyn. She had the driver park in the lot at Starbucks so I could get a coffee before we went to the airport. Jocelyn looked up from her phone screen, her lagoon green eyes seemed to shimmer with browns and blues in the sunlight. Her chocolate brown hair swiftly moved with her motions. She pursed her dark red lips tightly.

"Yeah, a venti skinny French vanilla latte." Jocelyn asked kindly then began to dig through her carryon bag for her wallet.

"No, it's okay. I'll pay." I told her with a smile then got out of the black SUV. The sun was really warm this morning; it was also humid as hell. It's days like today that I'm thankful that I've gotten my hair chemically straightened a few weeks ago. I've been getting my hair chemically straightened since my first signing bonus. I also took my mom to get her hair done. My mom cried happy tears the first month she didn't have to worry about how tight money was. Then after my name was put out there and the money started coming in steadily, the restaurant hit the big time and she was able to move out of that shitty little apartment. But she didn't. I asked her why she hasn't moved away, she said she raised me in that apartment and it's a part of our history. She doesn't want to give up those memories just because she doesn't struggle with money anymore. She still invites our Grandmother over along with my Aunties and cousins, they all still cram into that little two bedroom apartment to cook and talk. Pat doesn't know what they're talking about half the time, he doesn't speak Spanish and I have to fill him in sometimes.

"Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get for you?" The bright young woman asked from behind the counter. I stood in front of her with my twenty dollar bill ready to pay for the coffees I'm ordering before my manager and I head to the airport. She sat in the car while I got us our coffees. She was seeing if she could add a couple of dates to my tour, so far she's been able to add two extra days in San Antonio and Las Vegas. Luckily we're not flying anywhere besides from California to New York. She has a tour bus waiting in New York for after the first signing on release day.

"Can I get a Grande skinny coffee with two sugars and a venti skinny French vanilla latte?" I requested kindly. She nodded at me with a casual smile. I paid without hesitation and waited for the order to be ready. The Californian sun was pounding the earth with an intense heat. It shone in through the window. I felt proud that I decided to wear a floor length navy blue maxi dress. My long hair was twisted up into a clip to keep it from touching my warm skin. Pat thought that I was going for a trip to the beach instead of heading to New York for a two month long book tour. I laughed at that but I knew I was going to miss Pat like crazy. Both of our jobs keep us busy, sometimes too busy. As much as I'm going to miss Pat, I'm not going to miss seeing Matt around the house or at Pat's office.

"I thought you were lactose intolerant." 'Fuuuuuck' I thought when I heard that deep gravelly voice. My stomach immediately started knotting tightly and my heart almost stopped beating. Slowly, I turned to see that large man standing behind me wearing only a pair of gym shorts that were set above his knees. He was sweaty and panting heavily with only one ear phone in his ear while the other one dangled effortlessly. It appears he was out on a run. My heart started skipping beats and my stomach filled with butterflies. I had to force myself not to look him up and down with a smirk. Instead, I made eye contact with him.

"Your body changes every seven years, Matt. I'm not as lactose intolerant as I was eight years ago." I told him. I don't know why I told him that. Hell, I don't know why I'm talking to him at all. But I couldn't seem to make myself not talk to him.

"Yeah but you were lactose intolerant for twenty-three years." He commented lowly with a shrug. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"And I still am lactose intolerant, but I can have skimmed milk now." I unintentionally blabbered on about my life. His eyebrows furrowed and he tilted his head to the side slightly.

"Since when?" He asked. I knew I wanted to keep my mouth shut but my heart was trying to override my brain, it was also winning.

"Since I was pregnant a few years ago." The words fell out of my mouth thoughtlessly. I didn't want to tell him that piece of personal information but I still did it anyways. Matt looked shocked, his eyebrows were sky high and his mouth hung open slightly.

"You and Pat had a baby?" He questioned curiously. My gut started to twist and knot while my heart was racing inside of my chest. I felt faint and nervous at the same time. I was suddenly hit by a wave of sadness and grief. My head sank down slightly and I shook my head sorrowfully.

"No. We were supposed to but I miscarried." I figured I was too deep in, might as well tell him everything now. His facial features saddened and his tanned face became pale.

"When was this?" He seemed more concerned about getting more information about my life than he really should have. I shrugged.

"Pat and I started messing around the same month you and I ended things." Yes, Pat and I have been dating for seven years but we've been messing around for the entire eight years since Matt and I broke things off. I never told Matt that I was even seeing other people around the same time I kicked him out and all of the bullshit happened.

I could see Matt's face drop slightly, his eyes widened with questions but I know he wouldn't say anything. Well, at least I hoped he wouldn't say anything. But knowing Matt, he would say something just to try and get a rise out of me.

"Are you sure Pat was the father?" He asked in a snarky tone of voice. I was gobsmacked that he even asked that. But I was hurt at the same time. In all honesty, I didn't know if Pat was the father. Deep down I knew he wasn't, even though I prayed he was. If it wasn't Pat's then it was Matt's.

"Yes, it was Pat's baby. You and I hadn't slept together for months when I found out." I lied right through my teeth. What he doesn't know won't kill him. But I'm sure he was killed with the idea that Pat and I were going to have a baby. Matt always said that one day he was going to have a baby with me.

"Bow, I am so sorry for your loss." He apologized. I shook my head at him with a frown.

"Matty!" The lady behind the counter called. I heart almost jumped out of my chest when the bare-chested man brushed past me, his chest tattoos were directly in my face. I couldn't help but inhale deeply. I was intoxicated by the smell of axe body spray and sweat. It was as if he was trying to put me under his spell once again. But he already had me under his enchantment; he's had me like putty in his hands ever since the night Pat proposed to me.

"Don't get too wild on tour, Bow." He told me with a wink after grabbing his coffee. I growled shallowly and rolled my eyes.

"Grow up."