Been To Hell

Chapter 14: Open the Closet Door.

HEY GUYS! JUST LETTING YOU KNOW THAT THE IMAGE ABOVE/TO THE SIDE (I DUNNO ANYMORE) IS AN EDIT I MADE. I'M VERY PROUD OF IT AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT AS WELL. |NecromaniacKat|

A few days have passed since Pat purposed to me. We told our parents about the engagement. My mom and his mom flipped out happily, his dad flattered me by saying he couldn't have asked for a better wife for his son. The last couple of days have been busy; I'm working on the finale scenes of the movie, getting ready to go on my book tour, writing a new manuscript and getting this wedding planning started. Pat's been busy as well; he's got a lot of business meetings he needs to attend to help people get their businesses started up. This week he's been working really late to help Matt get his business plan sorted out before they begin talking product. Believe me, I know how this works. Before you get ahead of yourself and start talking product and distribution, you need a plan on how much money you're investing, how much you want the product will be and which manufacturing company is going to actually make the product; all before you start thinking about designs and actual product. I've seen a lot of businesses go down the drain because they got ahead of themselves. Pat hates it when a business goes down, so he's tries to keep the owner's mind on what is really important. I keep telling Pat that he should write a book or start up a workshop for aspiring business owners who can't afford to meet with him. I'm not saying he makes people pay to have him give them advice, I'm saying people may live across the world and not be able to afford to travel here to meet with him for financial or familial reasons. He says that book writing is my area and he doesn't know how to put his ideas into words. Well, he sure does know how to put them into action.

There is no shame in a world of innocence; tainted innocence must be worn with a mask, so everyone can live in a delusional world of security. Security is real, so are the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny. Security is real in the minds of innocence and ignorance. But for people whom have neither, security is as real as the fictional stories told at bedtime. There are no flaws when you're pretending. It's only when you remove the mask and stop pretending that people know who you really are. You're exposed and vulnerable. That's the point where one's tainted innocence can become no innocence. Being exposed can lead to betrayal. I'd rather live silently suffering than to be exposed and betrayed.

I sighed shakily then stopped typing. I stared at the computer screen blankly before deleting everything I've just written. After I wrote my ninth book I told myself I was going to write an autobiography, a book full or essays and memories of my life. I have permission to write about my mom's past briefly, I have her part down. I just can't push me hard enough to write about my past. I don't know if I should write about what happened between me and Matt that afternoon or if I should just let it sit inside of me forever. Do I talk about my dad? If so, what do I say? It's hard to talk about my thoughts and feelings when there is so much on the line. I can write about anything, any bad event. Any trauma. Why can't I write mine down? Are they worth writing down?

I sighed again and pushed the desk chair away from the desk. I got up after deciding I was going to plan some more of the wedding. Pat has his groomsmen picked out and I have my bride's maid's picked out. I just have to figure out the colours, but I need Pat to help with that. It's our wedding after all. Not just mine. We've set a season at least; we want it to be held during the summer, July 25th to be exact. Resqwater HQ is offering a place for the ceremony and reception. It's funny, as a girl I never wanted to get married in a big church full of family and friends. I wanted it to be small and intimate, and outside. So you can believe Pat and I jumped on the chance to get married there in the back where it's plenty spacious and it's just a lovely space.

I grabbed the tablet from the desk then went downstairs to find Pat. He was probably in his office working himself sick. I swear if he's in his office working, I'm going to slap him silly. Today is his day off, he needs to relax. And by relax I mean we have a wedding to plan because we have six months to get this thing pulled together, and there's a lot to do.

I was surprised to find him sitting in the kitchen at the island drinking a beer. It was obvious he had someone over, probably Tal or Austin, possibly one of his brothers. But his brothers have been busy with their lives so the likelihood of it being them is border lining between 'it's not them' and 'I'd be surprised if it was them'.

"Hey hun, what do you think of the main colour being silver?" I asked, scrolling through some wedding ideas online. I stepped into the kitchen and looked up, immediately surprised by what I saw. I walked into the kitchen to see him and Matt sitting at the island with another familiar face that I've missed seeing after all these years.

"J!" I exclaimed happily, almost throwing the tablet across the marble countertop. My arms extended upward excitedly and a large smile crossed my face. His hazel eyes immediately lit up with excitement and he stood up from the bar stool.

"Holy shit, she lives and breathes, the living legend, herself." He commented jokingly. But it kind of broke my heart at the same time, I severed all contacts after Matt and I broke up. Essentially I dropped off the face of the earth for no apparent reason. I didn't tell the guys why Matt and I ended the relationship, but they were shocked and demanded answers. They sent me texts asking if I was okay and if everything was alright, I never replied to them. After Matt and I broke up I stopped talking to them.

"Yes, I'm very much alive and breathing well. I could say the same for you." I laughed happily. We shared an embrace for a brief moment before he went to his seat, and I took a seat beside Pat to join the conversation. Jorel couldn't stop looking at me and Matt like it was back in the day and we were still together. Pat looked at Jorel and me curiously.

"I take it you two went to School together." Pat said, taking a swig at his beer. J shrugged and grinned cheekily. I had a bad feeling about the direction of this conversation.

"Yeah, we went to School together. I haven't seen you since you and Matt broke up. I mean like shit man, we were all pretty worried about you. You just kind of dropped off radar." 'Fuck.' I thought. Pat now knows that Matt and I was an item. He looked surprisingly between the pair of us; his ocean blue eyes were wide with recognition.

"You and Matt were together at one point?" Pat questioned sternly. J looked guilty and ashamed of what he just did. He shouldn't, he didn't know that I haven't told Pat that Matt and I dated for a while a few years back. It's just a chain of random events that have led up to this moment. Matt and I nodded slowly, we both looked at Pat.

"Oh."