Been To Hell

Chapter 4: Tear It Up.

I sat outside on the front steps at Jorel's mom's house with Rae. Rae isn't from Inglewood, she's from East L.A but she's dating Dylan so she's here with him more than she's there with her family. She and Dylan have only been together for a few weeks, but we're good friends already.

In all honesty; she's the last person I'd ever expect Dylan to date, let alone, be attracted to. I'm not saying she's unattractive, I'm saying she doesn't fit the criteria for the girl he's usually attracted to. He usually goes for the busty blonde but Rae isn't that. She's a lanky girl with slim features, her eyes are a deep brown colour that are rounded into innocent orbs. Her skin is a shade or two lighter than Dylan's. She's small breasted and lacked in the usual Hispanic woman's curves. But he absolutely adored her, which is funny because she rejected him at first then after he practically begged her for a single date, she said yes. And now they're here. When we were told that story I was surprised, usually girls fall for his charm but she wasn't falling for it. She fell for his heart and soul. Just like I did with Matty.

While I obtained small talk with Rae in front of Matty's friend Jorel's mom's house, the guys were inside celebrating their accomplishment. Although, I smelt the BBQ out back so I assume they've been kicked out into the backyard. I played with the lighter as I took deep drags on the cigarette. Matty doesn't know that I'm smoking again, he thinks I've quit but I've only cut down from a pack a day to a pack every two weeks. He really shouldn't be speaking since he smokes more than I do.

"So, how was your writing class today?" Rae asked mindlessly with a pretty smile. She brushed her short faded green hair from her olive complexion. Her deep brown eyes were painted with dark makeup but somehow they still shone bright in the sunset. I nodded at her with a chilled smirk.

"Good. We had to write poems about love." My reply made her burst out with one thunderous HA! As she clapped her hands together playfully.

"You had to write a love poem?!" She exclaimed obnoxiously. I love that she was so loud and outgoing. Dylan isn't going to be able to tame this wild lioness, no matter how hard he tries. I nodded again and cocked my head. I smirked at her before pushing the cigarette butt into the concrete step. I swept up the backpack from my feet and riffled through it for my notebook. I opened the tattered and worn out notebook to the page I wrote the poem on. Rae took the notebook from me when I handed it to her. She smirked and began to read the poem out loud. I knew she would want to read the stupid love poem I had to write so I let her.

"Blessen is Middle English for 'to consencrate with blood'. So to be blessed is to bleed. And believe me, honey, we have bled together. When I hear your name I am surrounded by wild fire, I am kept warm by the mighty sound of your name. It sounds biblical, it sounds like the end of the world, but let me tell you something, you are my world." She started a bit apprehensive, but nonetheless, obnoxious.

"You are my every moon, every sun, every planet, every star, every galaxy and everything in between. You are my inspiration. I usually don't wait for inspiration to come to me, I just write, but the assignment was to write a poem about someone you love. I wanted to write about you, but I couldn't find the words to use. I was lost in an ocean of beginnings, middles and ends. I was lost in words unlanguagable, so foreign they could be ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics."

"I wanted to write about every inch of your body, the way your face settles into a grumpy expression when you read contently in the glow of the sun, or the way you curls your mouth when you ge lost in the indulgence of our life together, or when you talk about your passions or I talk about my passions with a volcanic eruption building in our bellies. I want to write about the artistry painting your body proudly, or the artistry you and I create when we're lost in the thick ecstasy of emotionally being intimate. I want to write about how you always wake up facing me with your arm draped over my body like I'm your childhood teddy bear, the way the sunlight explodes in your eyes making them look silver with ocean blue ice crystals scattered in them. I want to write about the words you speak in tongue that I can only assume the heavens up above understand, every word, every thought moulded into Picasso's most creative painting, or Da Vinci's finest work of art." Her eyes glowed with a fiery passion fuiled by an undying love.

"I am required to write about love, but I can't, because what we have is more than love. What we have is true love. We have bled together in ways that no soul can comprehend. We have been crucified and resurrected. We have seen each other's hell and demons, and we still call each other soul mates. We are blessed to have each other. " Rae held my notebook in her lap and stared at my cursive writing with glee and romance in her eyes. She looked like she was reading the greatest romance novel ever written. She closed my notebook and handed it back to me in complete awe.

"Holy shit, dude, you really are truly and undoubtedly in love with him." Rae stated speechlessly. I nodded at her and smiled weakly. A lot of people think that we're only together for the sake of being in a relationship, but we really do love each other. I've proved that to everyone more than once, even to Matty. But that's a story that's best left untold, for now.

"Besides that stupid love poem, I got the news that I'm being entered into the Type Writer California competition." I announced to her with a bright grin. Rae's jaw dropped and her eyes popped out of their sockets. She grabbed my hands and squealed happily.

"Oh my fuck, dude, that's amazing news! Why aren't you out back celebrating though?" Her happiness quickly drained when she got to the end of her sentence. My heart dropped a bit and my stomach twisted tightly. I pulled my hands away from hers slowly and shrugged.

"Nobody knows beside you." I told her honestly with a bit of hesitance. I was nervous about her reaction to this news since she can be a bit loud and might say something. Suddenly her rugged but feminine facial features twisted into a quizzical expression. She cocked her head to the side and furrowed her finely groomed eyebrows.

"Wait, so, you're going into a major competition and you didn't tell your boyfriend? Why?" Rae was new to mine and the guys' lives so I didn't scoff at her like I would have to anyone else who would've asked that question.

"Because, today is their day. I don't want to take it away from them with my good news." I shrugged it off, watching the street in front of us. People passed by in their cars, on their bikes or by walking. Nobody had any idea of what we were talking about. They didn't know and they didn't care. That's why I love L.A so much, they don't care. They maybe nosey but they don't care. I replayed the memory of Matty crying in the car an hour ago, he was so happy he cried. I held him and he cried. I felt like a mother comforting her child, I stroked his hair and hushed his happy sobs.

"We don't mind sharing with you." I spun around to see the blue eyed man peaking around the corner with a shy smile. Rae silently got up and went into the house so Matty and I could talk privately. Matty stood at the bottom of the steps, leaning against the metal railing. I sighed while my lips twirled into a smile to hide the sudden burst of regret and shame that pulsed through my veins. I felt guilty because today was supposed to be their day to celebrate being signed onto a record label, but then I opened my mouth and took some of the spotlight they deserve.

"I do, though. Today is about you guys and being signed. It's not about me and being entered into the biggest writing competition in California. I can wait until tomorrow." I told him in a soft voice. Matty looked at the concrete step between us and sighed.

"You really need to stop putting others' happiness before yours. It's not right." Matty was being direct with me, but I couldn't help but think about the incident from a couple of years ago when he first moved in with me and my mom.

"Okay, fine, I'm happy with waiting until tomorrow to tell everybody about my accomplishment. You happy now?" I wasn't really in the mood to be in an argument with him over something so stupid. It was the memory of what happened that made me feel angry and irritable. I didn't want to fight with him tonight, we're supposed to be happy and celebrating but instead, I'm left torn.

Matty stared down at me with a grim expression but it wasn't angry, it was sad and guilty. His mouth drew downwards and his eyes hallowed into innocent baby blues. I sat on the step with my backpack in my lap and a sorrowful expression souring my face. Matty leaned down and gave me a sweet kiss without having to think about it.

"I love you." He mumbled against my lips softly. I sighed faintly and nodded a bit.

"I know you do. I love you too." I replied to him weakly. Matty stood up right and looked down at me. He held out his hand and softly tried to smile at me.

"C'mon, let's go join the party." He offered politely. I didn't want to sit here and mope around so I faked a smile and took his hand so we could rejoin the celebration.