Been To Hell

Chapter 8: Ghost.

Friday

The week drew on slowly, slower than I have ever experienced before. There wasn’t a day that went by throughout my entire academic career that went by as slow as this week has. I got to call Matt a few times throughout the week but no matter how long the call lasted could fill the void in my life, and my bed.

On Monday I got the letter saying I was rejected from the competition but they wanted to publish me. After I got off the phone with Matt I called my mom at work and told her the great news, she was thrilled for me. She said that we needed to go out for dinner with Luke to celebrate. I didn’t want to tell her that I didn’t want her boyfriend to be there and I just wanted it to be the two of us, so I kept my mouth shut. After I called my mom I called Paul Dodson, we’ve arranged to meet up next week on Wednesday. He was enthusiastic to meet the girl behind the story. And I was excited to meet the man who may make my future shine brighter than the sun. That evening my mom, Luke and I went out to celebrate with dinner and a couple drinks. I got a bit drunk, and I wanted to try something new, something Matty brought up before he left for tour, sending each other indecent pictures and phone sex. So I wiped out my camera, took the pictures then emailed them to him before I got on the phone. Luckily they were at a hotel that night with internet access. He was confused at first as to why I was calling him so late, at first he was worried when I told him I sent him an email he needed to see but then he got the idea. And let me tell you something, phone sex isn’t very satisfying for me. But I was satisfied hearing the arousal in his voice as I faked it until he made it to the Promised Land.

Tuesday morning I woke up with a bitch of a hangover, but I still had to get up and go to work. I wore sunglasses to open the fridge, that’s how bad my hangover was. Nevertheless the kiddies at the Day Care needed my supervision, so I put on my big girl panties and went to the homerun Day Care only to be greeted by thirteen extremely loud kids varying between the ages six months to four years. Before I started getting breakfast delivered to the little ones I took Susan, the owner, aside and told her the news. She was extremely happy for me; she has been rooting me on since I started working for her when I was nineteen. I’ve written a few children’s stories for the kids. Every week I promise to have a new one for story time. So they were both happy and sad when Susan told them that I may not be coming around as much anymore because I’m writing new stories for the rest of the world. It was a bittersweet moment when they all made me cards with memories of me telling them stories on them. When I got home that evening I browsed MySpace to see pictures the guys were taking of their tour and shows. I didn’t bother calling Matt since he had a gig and was probably too exhausted to hold a phone, let alone deal with me. I’m not saying I’m clingy or overly emotional, I just think he needs his space while he’s away and that’s okay with me. So, I showered then went to bed.

Wednesday was a repeat of Tuesday, except the Wednesday kids were there too. After work I went out for drinks with Rae and few of my friends to celebrate my accomplishment. I didn’t drink that much because I didn’t want a repeat of Monday. But I still ended up calling Matt at a ridiculous time of night and we talked until dawn broke the horizon. Whenever I told him I missed him, he’d reply with ‘Don’t worry Princess, I’m home in one more sleep.’ And it’d always make me feel less homesick. In the time he’s been away I’ve come to realize that my home isn’t a roof and four walls but in his arms and by his side. I know that sounds psycho clingy but I’m homesick for him, and I’m scared that when he’s away he’ll find someone who makes him happier than me and he’ll never return. It makes me mad to think that I’ve let him become my home; it also makes me jealous seeing comments on their pictures by girls who want to fuck them. I don’t want to be jealous, but after what happened I can’t help but be jealous.