I was on Matty's balcony after excusing myself for a phone call. The boys were sat on the sofa when I left, chatting nonchalantly about Music and the rather.
"So I notice your not home right now.." Flo piped up on the line.
Flo had been at living home after finishing her A- levels. She was working in London at a advertising company, trying to decide if she wanted to go to Uni.
I glanced at my watch, half 6. She must have just got home. Quick off the mark.
"Great noticing.." I remarked sarcastically.
"I thought so. So where you at?" She asked. Flo was also nosy, always checking up on me. I think most of the time it was to make sure I wasn't having a better time then her.
"Chilling at a friends.." I lied casually. Explaining this to Flo would be a nightmare. Explaining this to anyone would be a nightmare.
"Hmm which friend?"
My sister was always suspicious of me. I'd often go off for the day, out with friends or myself and not tell her where I was going. I liked the independence. I relished the feeling that no one knew where I was, or what I was doing. Even if it was nothing at all.
For Flo, I'm sure this behaviour meant= secret boyfriend. Which, naturally, it wasn't.
But I let her think it. Sometimes people thinking you lead a mysterious life is as good as a mysterious life itself. At least that's what I thought
"Ruby.." Ruby was always my fall back. We had been friends for years but she didn't really use social media so Flo couldn't check up on her.
"Right, okay.." I could tell she was thinking of something else to say. Flo often did this to me when she was bored and needed someone to bother.
"What time you back?"
I glanced out at notting hill. The gorgeous white buildings, leaves turning orange on the trees that lined the streets. I didn't want to leave.
"Erm I'm not sure.." That was the first truth I'd told on this phone call.
"Molly! Food's here!" Matty called, pocking his head into the bedroom.
"Who was that?" Flo asked on the phone. Momentarily, I forgot she was there.
"Ruby. Who else would it be?" I responded hearing the defensiveness in my voice.
"Sounded like a boy.." She noted.
"Uh" I started to walk back into the front room. "She's got a cold. Got to go, I'll text you. Bye!" I heard her begin to speak as I hung up the phone.
In the front room, Matty and George were laying out the food on the table. Matty looked up as I entered.
"Everything alright?"
"Yeah fine. Mm looks good" I slip my phone in my jean pocket, and sit at the table.
"So Molly tell me.." George began, finishing his drink. "How old are you?" I smiled at his upfrontness, as Matty coughed uncomfortably. "Eighteen"
He nodded neutrally. "So George tell me.." He looked up innocently.
"How old are you?" I rested my face on my hand, staring him down.
"Um, twenty four?" He stuttered, startled at my sudden confidence i suppose.
"Doesn't act like it.."Matty pointed out, George grinned at him childishly. The mood diffusing. Answering a question with a question always was my forté. Matty touched my leg under table. "All that weed probably."
George nodded proudly, "Speaking of.." George winked at us, moving his chair away from the table.
"Wanna join?" He asked us eagerly.
Matty looked at me sideways unsure.
"Well I dunno if.." He began awkwardly.
I shrugged my shoulders, "why not.."
Matty seemed taken aback. I stood up and followed George.
Matty caught up with me quickly, pulling my hand back. "You smoked before?" He asked searching my eyes.
Maybe he thought I would lie to him. I hadn't hidden the fact I knew he was cooler than me. More experienced.
"Nope." I'm not the type to give into peer pressure. No, it would have to be my choosing. And here I was, in a flat in Notting Hill, choosing.
"Then maybe you shouldn't.." He looked conflicted. But I was 18 not 8, I don't usually brag about age but why didn't he get that?
"You do it." I stated simply. A pathetic argument but not any less true.
"Yeah but.." Matty didn't need to bubble wrap me. I shook my head at how silly he was being. I liked him for him, he didn't need to hide parts of himself from me. George was in his room now, setting up or doing whatever he does.
Matty still had his hand on mine. I reached up and pressed my lips to his. It seemed to be the only persuasion he needed. His hands went from my hair to my waist. He edged me towards the wall swiftly, kissing below my ear. Suddenly Matty's hand were holding mine against the wall. He lifted them next to my head, moving back to look at me. He breathed out deeply, blinking, choosing.
"Come on then.."
Under George's light I could see the smoke rising. I'd coughed a few times before taking a proper pull. It felt weird, but weird good. Matty and George were obviously very used to it. Professionals, if you will.They blew rings at me as I glanced around the room in a daze.
"How'dya feel?" Matty poked me in the side to get my attention. I flicked my head round to see his lovely face staring back at me.
"I dunno.. light, happy, relaxed." I scrunched my eye brows at him, it was a odd feeling to feel. I bet I sounded so stupid right now.
"Well you look at beautiful as ever.." Matty said softly tucking my hair behind my ear. Smiling at the sudden compliment, I gazed at him through the smoke he exhaled. I got a spontaneous urge to sit up and feather kisses all over his face, so I did. Matty couldn't help but laugh when I finally made my back to his lips. He smiled as we kissed. "I'm started to enjoy stoned Molly" he mused.
George stopped blowing rings in his chair to interrupt. "Me too.."
Matty rolled his eyes, too calm to object. I leaned against Matty as he sat beside me on the bed.
"So what's up with you guys huh?" George asked as he span in his chair carelessly. I shrugged, most accurate response I could think of.
"Just hanging out" I responded. This was me trying to be mysterious.
Matty looked down at me, I didn't want to see his expression. George stopped spinning in his chair.
"Hm okay" he nodded looking thoughtful. "Your one of those 'keep it casual' kind of girls" he concluded.
I almost gagged at the sound of it. In my world causal= slut. I couldn't be further from it. Virgin, never had a boyfriend, can count the amount of guys I've kissed on one hand. Matty being number Four. I am not about casual. I don't see the point.
So then why was I with Matty? Is 'with' even the correct word to use? He'd said he wanted to spend time with me, but how much of that was true. Or could be true.
I felt like a broken record. We're from different worlds! I loved being with him, but how long could it last. I didn't think it was cruel of me to not want to sell anybody dreams.
"No, god no!" I responded a little too loudly. George seemed shocked, I felt Matty chuckle lightly beside me. "Not that, those girls are bad. They can do what they want, I mean.. I'm just not that. At all" I cut the air with my hand, trying to be as blatant as possible.
"We.. Ur" I looked up at Matty but couldn't gauge anything from his expression. "We're just friends."
George blew out air dramatically, making a face at Matty. He got up to get his phone from the side table, patting Matty on the shoulder.
"Too bad mate. Maybe next time." Matty shook his head, pushing his hands away annoyed. George held his hand up innocently, he smirked and extended his hand over Matty to me.
"Nice to meet you Molly," he said politely. I shook it, "pleasure"
He winked as he left. "Bye friends!" He called making his way down the hall.
Matty slide his arm from around my shoulder and stood up.
I went over to where he stood by the window, putting my hands on his shoulders. He exhaled deeply, slowly. I could tell he was aggravated.
"What's wrong?" I asked quietly, scared of the response.
"I'm just, I don't know what to do. This, kind of thing hasn't happened to me before."He eyes were still fixed on the window. I wound my hands around his waist, resting my head on his back.
"Thing?" I ask. He spun around putting his hands to my cheeks. Staring straight into my soul.
"You really want to be friends?" He asked. His expression showed his upset. Had that offended him? I shook my head slowly before I could think rationally. "No.. I mean yes, yeah I do. It would make things a lot easier.." Thoughts of school, my friends and Flo all rushed back to me at once. Matty's face fell.
"Easier?" He asked quietly.
"I mean, your busy making Music. And, I'm busy at school and stuff." I nodded, trying to convince myself more than him. I wasn't trying to hurt him. I just hoped my face wasn't betraying me.
Matty sat down on the bed, as I turned to lean against the wall. He put his hands in his lap, looking defeated.
"So it's my lifestyle, that's the reason?" He asked looking up at me.
I didn't know how to answer. "I mean.." I looked around the room helplessly. I didn't want to fall for Matty. But I had, I'd fallen good and proper.
He stood up edging me towards the wall. I had nowhere to look but at him.
"You know that's the only reason.." I gazed at him, at his lips. Wanting so badly to kiss him. Matty kissed the side of my mouth slowly. Pulling back as I moaned. His hands resting on my hips, pulling me to him. "I'm not worth it huh?" He muttered, kissing my neck again. I struggled to catch my breath as his whole body pushed against me. My hands went to his shoulders. "You know it wouldn't work.." I managed to get out. Come on mind, you can do it!
"What if I don't want to be your friend?" He whispered.
