(2 months later)
I walked down Oxford Street, hugging my navy coat close to me as the cold air beat on. Christmas was matter of days away, and like usual I'd left everything to the last minute.
My first two terms of Year 13 were over, and I couldn't be happier. I'd been accepted into Queen Mary university to study Psychology. Glancing at the tourists rush by me, I felt strangely excited to be studying here next year. Ruby was going to UEA which was only an hour or so outside London, but I know we would still remain best friends. We always had been, our friendship was elastic.
The guys at Rough Trade were happy I was staying in the City to study (though it think it's only because they can't be bothered to interview a new Saturday girl.)
I couldn't wait to leave school, or home if I'm being honest. Home seems so boring to me now, so mundane. I felt ready to leave, though I still had a few months left.
Today, I was looking for a present for Ruby, I wanted something funny or ironic. We usually got each other more light hearted gifts. I could feel it start to spit so I rushed to make it to Urban Outfitters.
I sighed as I entered the familiar, warm store. (the one on Marble arch has always been so much better, in my opinion)
I aimed strait towards the home and accessories part. Pushing my messy waves away from my face, I picked up a small elephant ornament. It seemed perfect for Ruby, who was a passionate animal lover. She was always baffled that I didn't get excited over animal documentaries she would recommend. I looked up to see a small crowd of girls forming in the Mens section.
'Weird..' I noted. I ignored the small gathering in the corner and moved to the table of books.
'hm maybe I could find something for my sister' UO always had the best collection of quirky books, there was almost too many to look at.
I smiled and picked up, 'how not to be a dick' a small, yellow book that caught my eye. "Appropriate" I mumbled to myself.
"What's appropriate?" A familiar voice asked. I looked up to see the dark, curly haired boy is tried so hard to forget. His mouth turned up into a small smile. I glanced behind him at the group of whispering girls, looking our way. 'So that's why..'
His eyes pulled me back to reality, we stared at each other across the table of books.
"Erm," I turned the book around to show Matty, he chucked a little at the title "..for my Sister" I explained.
Matty nodded nonchalantly, an uncomfortable silence hung in the air. I had no idea what to say to him after what happened.
Some girls audibly giggled behind us, Matty turned around and smiled politely.
Looking back at me he sighed, moving his hair out of his face.
"Looks like you've got yourself a shadow,"
He rolled his eyes, "I only wanted to buy some pants." I laughed at him without meaning too, his simple statement breaking down my bravado.
Matty was unblinking, urging me to speak up. But I couldn't, not here.
"Anyway I've you to pay for this.." I edged away from the table and towards the till.
When I got to the line, I jumped when I saw Matty still standing next to me.
"I'm starting to think you enjoy running away from me" he said, breaking my heart. I sighed and shook my head. I was lost for words, how can he suddenly appear and make me feel this way?
"Can we go somewhere?" He asked quietly. I stepped forward and paid for my presents. I needed to get it together, he deserved an explanation I guess. I'd been a bitch, no denying.
I walked back to the boy in the black coat, waiting for me.
"Yeah, of course"
We were sitting in Pret now, I had a tea and Matty sipped a green juice.
He laughed when he saw me cringe at the odd, slime-like liquid.
"That looks gross." I offended, turning back to my tea.
"It's healthy," I rolled my eyes at him. How could Matty could be pretentious, even in Pret!
"So how have you been?" He asked, putting his juice down.
"I'm fine, same old.." I replied, a simple answer for a simple person.
His face showed no acknowledgment to my answer. He didn't believe me.
"What happened to you?" Matty asked, more seriously now. I sat back in my chair. I knew this was coming, I guess.
"What do you mean?" I asked for the sake of pro-longing this.
He shook his head at me, I crumbled. "You know what I mean. You leave the show and then leave me. I didn't hear from you?" He continued, "I had no clue what happened, what I did wrong. And I was so fucking confused Molly"
I nodded slightly, I didn't know it would effect him this much if i'm honest.
"I'm sorry, I really am. The show wasn't the problem, it was me. I felt inadequate, I thought I was doing what's best. Doing what you didn't have the heart to do.." I replied.
"What, drop you?" He asked shocked.
"Well yeah." I sipped my tea again. Matty remained perched on the end of his seat. Damn, I was seriously acting my pathetic age right now.
"I never wanted to drop you, not once. Why would I want do that?!" He asked, I shrugged my shoulders. I felt like that didn't need an answer.
"So you're telling me I haven't seen you for 2 months for something I didn't even do?" He asked incredulously.
"Urgh it doesn't matter. Just forget about it, I did you a favour.." I replied feeling defeated and hating myself.
Matty shook his head, grasping my hand.
"How could you even think that?" Matty whispered, I pleaded with myself to not break down.
"Because it's true." I muttered, looking down at our hands.
Matty tilted my head up, "You made me feel so full, and I know you were happy. We had gotten to such a good place. So why are we both sitting here broken?" He questioned.
I didn't have an answer. All I could think of is the need for his arms to be around me.
I sighed, resting my head on my hands. I was so tired of disappointing him, tired of disappointing myself. At the first sign of happiness I run away, I don't even know if I'm strong enough to be in relationship. Let alone with someone like Matty.
"I'm the only one who's broken Matty, can't you see that?" I asked flatly.
Matty's eye didn't leave mine, "No, I can't. I don't believe that." He responded with confidence. I wished he could transfer some of that hope to me. I'd be sincerely grateful.
"I think we should start over," he began, "I'm going to take you out, we'll chat, like it's the first time we met. It will be simple, and it will feel right" Matty stated. What was I supposed to say to that?
