I wasn't confused before. I couldn't have been. But now? Yeah I'm definitely and utterly confused.
We walked back to the store hand in hand. The hill had been a beautiful, yet sad moment. I guess we both realised we wanted things we mustn't have. I didn't know whether to be happy or depressed at this revelation.
Matty's hand was warmer than mine. (though my circulation was awful) I felt him squeeze my hand every few seconds, it was nice. It reminded me he was still there.
I was leant against the wall next to the stores entrance. Matty was in front of me, shielding me from the outside world. His hand rest on my cheek, "parting is such sweet sorrow" I smiled pulling him closer to me.
"Who said we're parting?" He whispered against my cheek. I rolled my eyes, "Don't Matty.." I felt him feather soft kisses down my neck. My body said other wise holding tightly to his coat.
"We've been over this.." I felt him smile against my neck. I ran my hands through his hair so he would look at me. I steaded my gaze as much as I could.
"Exactly." Matty stopped smiling. He held on to either side of my face.
"You don't get it.." He began, I remained frozen, unblinking. "You said you want what you can't have. But the thing is you CAN have me. The only thing stopping you is yourself" I shook my head, 'he's way too romantic for his own good' I thought.
"Tell me this.." Matty questioned, catching my eyes with his.
"How do you feel when you're with me?"
His lips were ever so slightly parted, the world on mute. I waited.
"Like I might mean something I guess" I nodded slightly, that's only a small percentage of how I feel. He makes me feel beautiful and happy and just better.
"And if this were to end, you were never to see me again.. What then?"
He asked unflinching, "Matty.." I objected, edging away. Laying my heart on the line is not something that comes naturally to me.
"Okay okay, I'll answer." His thumb brushed over my lower lip tortuously.
"You are the best thing in my life right now, and to me that's all there is too it"
He smiled, something similar to love shining in his eyes.
I smiled too, it was hard not too. To this date, the best compliment I had ever been given. I didn't doubt it either. For whatever reason, Matty truly thought of me in that way.
I made my way back to the shop door, "I've got to get back, Rob will be annoyed"
Matty nodded. I bit my lip, thinking of how to express how much I didn't want this to be the last time we'd see each other.
"Until next time, Molly" he added, reading my mind.
I was on the tube just after my shift ended. Why I agreed to meet them at Brick Lane I will never know. I got off a Liverpool st and wandered through Spitalfields. 'From one place filled with Hipster wanna-be's to another' I thought weaving through the market stools.
Thankfully we're aloud to wear all black as our uniform at work, so in Shoreditch I looked weirdly okay.
I spotted the Mexican, Ruby had text me about earlier and wandered in.
I sat at the bar on my own, 'great, first one here' I thought. I ordered a cocktail and gazed around at my colourful surroundings.
The bartender (who was of course covered with Tattoos) handed me my drink, smiling at me for a few seconds too long.
I had previously decided I hated when people couldn't handle being on their own. But opinions change, I pulled out my phone anyway. 'If you can't beat them join them' I thought scrolling through Twitter joyfully.
An hour later I was sitting at a round table with Ruby, Lara and the (not boyfriend but boyfriend) Joe.
"You realise you look like our gay best friend right now Joe" Ruby teased.
He laughed politely,
"Oh well, wherever Lara may be is where I am"
I rolled my eyes discretely at how awfully bad he was at being poetic. And of course I thought of Matty, as Joe kissed Lara on the cheek.
"You alright?" Ruby asked after finishing her nachos. I looked at my best friends worried expression and smiled. "Yeah of course, I'm having fun. Aren't you?" I responded lightly.
"Yeeeah sure you are.." her voice muffled by the next round of Nachos she downed.
An hour and 4 cocktails later I felt my phone vibrating in my bag, I looked at the caller ID on the way to the bathroom.
'Matty'
Closing the cubicle door behind me I sat on the closed lid.
"Molly?" His raspy voice called through the phone.
"Yuppp" I leaned against the wall next to my head in a daze.
"You alright?" 'Why was everyone asking me if I'm alright all the bloody time!'
"Uh huh" my eye lids fluttering close.
"Are you drunk?" He mused across the phone. His voice startling me, I sat up straighter.
"A lil, I mean I'm just really tired. And bored. This night has been shit."
I heard his sweet laugh and felt slightly better. I sighed, moving into my 'hopeless drunk' faze.
"Anyway sorry for bothering you" I started to hang up when I heard him calling my name through the phone.
"What's up?" I asked slurring my words slightly.
"I called you, you idiot!" He laughed and I relaxed into my seat again.
"You've got a really nice laugh you know that?" I observed.
"Thanks so do you, do you want me to pick you up?" I barely registered what he was saying. I nodded along to his voice.
"Molly?"
"Matty?"
I stood up and walked back out to our table. Which was.. empty. 'Where the fuck are my friends!'
I sat down in the empty booth defeated.
"Fucking dicks"
"Who's a dick?" I jumped at the sound of his voice, forgetting I still had the phone to my ear.
"My friends." I called sarcastically.
People were starting to look at me, sat at the booth on my own.
"Fucking left me at this shit hole in Brick lane. On my own!"
"I'm coming to get you." He stated. I started to refuse but he cut me off angrily.
"Molly I'm serious. I don't feel right about you drunk in shoreditch on your own. What's the restaurant called?"
"Some Mexican shit.." I responded confused.
"Urgh fine. I'll find it. Don't move. Okay? I'm not playing around, stay there" he hung up then.
I rolled my eyes, 'why did I have to fall for such a bloody physco?!'
