The true love story

Chapter twenty-six

*Monday*

"Well, how are you feeling Jessica?" asked Xavior

well i've been going to theropy and it hasn't really helped that much. lately i've been having bad dreams. Xavior is my theropist. he's about in his fourties. he was a good looking man who was married and actually had kids of his own. two boys. his wife was also very beautiful. he was a cristin of corse and was apparently reall good at his job, so that's why they had him as my theropist. he was one of the best.

I looked up from my day dream. i would alwas do this. i would be with someone one minutes, then the next i would be somewhere else.

"What?" i asked,"How are you feeling?" asked Xavior,"Um...well i've been taking the medicacine you perscribed me and i've been going to classes, i've been trying to hang out with my friends, i've been excersing every day, and i've been trying to be close with my fiance, but he's been at work this whole time, so i don't know what to think." i said getting a little fustrated. Xavior hands me the squeezing ball. it's suposivly suppost to help you calm down.

"This is good Jessica, you can't keep all of this inside of you anymore, you need to speak aloud, don't ever think you can't tell your emotions...now how has your fiance been?" asked Xavior. i sighed aloud and squeezed the squeezing ball tighter,"He's been...distant...he's not who i thought he was...i don't even think he loves me anymore." i said a tear streaming down my face,"Now don't say that, i'm sure he loves you...mabe you just need to talk to him." said Xavior,"Talk to him? he doesn't even talk to me anymore...the other day...he took out all of the baby things out of the baby room and put them in boxes, i was so angry, but..."

"But what?" asked Xavior

"But I just kept it inside...i can't talk to him anymore...i just can't, i don' t even know him anymore, i don't even think..." i paused.

"What? come on Jessica you can't keep everything bottled up inside or you'll explode." said Xavior.

i sigh loudly as a tear streams down my face.

"I...I don't even think i wanna marry him anymore." i said aloud then broke down in tears. it hurt. knowing that something shifted in our relationship and I just couldn't fix it. I never wanted this to happen. something in our relationship just changed. i couldn't lie to myself anymore. Jay hasn;t been around for me. he always told me that he'd be here for me, but he lied. he was never there for me. I wiped away my tears,"I feel so guilty, knowing that he wants to marry me, but i just can't marry him, he's different." i said still wiping away my tears.

after my apointment, Jay came to pick me up,"Hey." i said softly as he drove up,"Hey." said Jay unlocking the doors. i open the door and jump in. we didn't talk. we never talk anymore. Xavior gave e a rubber ban to wear around my wrists. when ever i'd get angry or fustrated, i'd pull on it and it would help me calm mself down, with out actually hurting myself,"What's wrong?" asked Jay looking down at me tugging and letting go of my rubber ban. it burnt my wrist a little bit, but it gave me relief,"S o you actually care now?" i asked irritated,"Yes, i do care that my fiance is hurting herself, i wanna know what's wrong and i want you to tell me now." begged Jay. i look at him. his sweet sad somber eyes looking deep into me,"ou boxed up all of Jason's things.' i said with no emotion. Jay was quiet for a moment,"I just thought it was hurting you to see everything there." said Jay looking at me,then looks back at the road,"It hurts me more, knowing that you didn't even care to ask me first...i was carrying Jason inside me you know, you didn't feel the pain i felt." i said as he stops the car,"You don't think i'm hurting inside a well Jessica? you don't think I'm fustrated as hell knowing that i could've done something? that i should've been there? well it hurts a lot, you're not the only one grieving too you know." said Jay looking deep into my eyes,"Just forget it." i mumbled