eating is a very complexed but simple thing
Well it's a simple things that leaves complexed print
They don't want to eat because they feel as though they are making themselves heavier, thicker, bigger.
In other words— worse
Nobody likes an unattractive human being, not even they do themselves.
The guilt when feeling the heavy stomach after eating wishing they could go back time, but they can't, so they go back to the bathroom
They are already sick of themselves, seeing this makes them already sick to their stomach,
It's not different, sick emotionally or physically
it's the same thing, so they'll do both.
When the feeling of guilt gets flushed down the toilet, then comes shame.
The embarrassment
The shaming of ones self
"That was stupid"
Realistically you don't ever feel better afterwards,
Your upset just changes from one form to another
It's more so from
"I shouldn't of done that."
Straight to
"Why did i do that."
It's sometimes also comforting when you finish and flush the toilet and stand up
Wash your face or whatever
You feel lighter and that can sometimes make you forget all your emotional baggage altogether
Or sometimes
It can be a reminder of how disgusting you are
And how you had to do what you did to have it
It can bring heavy shame
And with that sometimes you can't win
All you can do is sigh and keep blaming
Yourself for being the way you are
And not the way you should be.
