Wanting What I Shouldn't

Chapter 31

    The hospital doors open wide as I come running through. Even if they didn't I wouldn't have stopped. I would've broke the damn doors down. Liam runs in behind me, panting.

   My body basically crashes into the front desk and the lady jumps, looking up at me with wide eyes. "Amara Brady." I state, the air not pulling into my lungs fast enough.

The receptionist shakes her head and my body freezes. My heart feels like it's getting ripped out of my chest with nothing but someone's cold dead hands. My Amara she's—

"She's in surgery at the moment. But you can wait until she's out to see her." A feeling of relief washes over me but it's still not enough to stop my relentless shaking or tears.

They won't stop falling down my face.

Liam gently takes my arm and leads me into a discrete waiting room. He says nothing but his dark brown eyes tell me it all, worry, pain, understanding. He knows what's going on in my brain.

I got her shot.

It's all my fault my girlfriend is sitting in this hospital.

It's all my fault.

Liam gently pushes me down into a cushiony chair and sits down next to me, leaning his arms on his knees. He runs a hand through his dark hair, letting out a sigh "It's not your fault Kingston. None of us could've stopped that bullet." He tries, even his own voice a little wavy.

   I shake my head, my back slumping as another sob racks through my body "I should've pulled her behind me, I should've jumped in front of her." Liam shakes his head, that pain that you get when you feel guilt evident is his black-ish brown eyes.

   I bury my face into my hands, the skin of my palm soaking up the salty tears that won't stop falling down my face. My back slumps as I lean forward and rest my elbows, guilt and regret spreading through me like wildfire.

   The door opens again and I hear 4 sets of footsteps. Heels click against the shining tile of the hospital.

   Amara's blood is covering tile because of me.

   I sob into my hands and I feel two tiny hands on either side of my back "It's okay Kingston," I hear James try and comfort, "She's going to be okay." I hear Julius state. Their voices are soft. Too soft.

   I look up from my palms and see everyone crying. Mason's crying, Liam's crying, Mom's crying, Dad's crying, James and Julius are crying. And so am I.

   "I should've jumped in front of her," my voice cracks, swallowing the painful lump in my throat. My father shakes his head "It's not your fault Kingston, you couldn't have stopped it." He states, wiping his tears away with his thumb. I don't normally see my dad cry, and when he does it's because he really cares.

   My eyes fall closed but all I see is Amara. I hear her scream ripping through her chest, the bullet piercing her beautiful skin. I rewatch her falling onto her knees, crying my name out in pain. Blood oozing relentlessly from her left shoulder.

   My eyes snap open as my hands begin to shake again and Mason is crouching down in front of me, "Kingston, stop thinking about it, it's going to make it worse," he tells me softly, tears glossing his midnight black eyes.