A thousand bad times - Post Malone

Eight

Holi looks at Austin's pillow for ages and the bed is cold when she runs her hands over the sheets. It should not mean anything, he could just be downstairs or with the kids. He has always woken before Holi so him not being there should not mean anything, except it does.

She throws off the bedsheets and pulls on one of Austin's hoodies then heads out the room to find him if only to settle this burning feeling in the pit of her chest. She feels uneasy and if the dark grey clouds she can see out the window are a sign of how this day is going to pan out...fear is the emotion sitting on her shoulders.

It should not be. Yesterday was grand, brilliant, almost dream-like. She had made so many choices and taken so many risks. The sky was blue and the sun was bright - today should be the same no matter the weather. But Austin was not there when she woke, his side of the bed already cold, it should not matter...except it does.

She stops at the room that her siblings had slept in last night. When she peeps in she can see that the bed is empty with the bedsheets thrown back haphazardly. She forces herself to calm down and gives herself a growling. They are probably with Austin, just like the last time. That's why Austin was not in bed when she woke up, there is no such thing as sleeping in when you have kids. She is stupid and so are her thoughts.

The nasty grey clouds mean nothing, the burning in her chest means nothing! She is going to walk into the kitchen like last time and find the same domestic scene before her as she did last weekend. It's fine!

She walks into the kitchen to find it empty and quiet, Austin's phone is on the kitchen counter though. She goes into the TV room and relief washes over her when she sees Bell and Mac lying on the sofa watching cartoons. No Austin though.

"Good morning," she says and they both turn to look at her, "morning," they reply together and go back to watching cartoons, "where is Austin?" she asks and Mac turns back to look at her with a grin on his face, "you looking for so you can kiss him again? Are you going to marry him?" he teases and makes kissing sounds. Holi rolls her eyes. He is so childish but she does feel her cheeks heat up.

"Shut up Mac, just tell me where he is," she says already turning for the door, "he said he was going to make us breakfast so he should be in the kitchen," Mac says not taking his eyes off the TV, "oh can you ask him to bring my hot chocolate now, kind of thirsty," Mac's words make Holi stop dead and turn back around to stare at Mac. What the fuck! He is like a little king, lap of luxury.

"No, I will not. But I will tell you what I will do. I will remind you where you come from so you never take things for granted. Don't get too big for your boots, Mac," she says. Mac sits up and glares at her, "like I could ever forget! You remind me all the time. You are unfair Holi. We are rich now, just enjoy it," he says and throws himself back on the pillows, crossing his arms in a huff. Bell copies him.

Holi wants to stamp her foot and lash out at him for being so bratty but she knows she needs to be patient with him, last week he had nothing, and this week he has everything. That's huge for a kid his age, it's huge for Holi too. So Holi walks back to him and sits down gently in front of him. "Mac, we are not rich. Austin is rich and yes he has opened his home to us, but we never know what tomorrow will bring. Even if we did, I don't want you to forget where you came from...ok?" She says softly, "but, Holi we could have a new life. I trust Austin. I want to forget our past, our past was shitty."

Holi can hear the pain in his voice, he has been through so much. More than any 10 year old should. "I know Mac, but remembering where we came from will help us remember never to take for granted what we have now. We could also lose all this in the snap and I just want you to be careful...ok?" Holi says as carefully as she can. Mac nods, "ok Holi, sorry. I got too big for my boots. I will make my own hot chocolate."