A thousand bad times - Post Malone

Nineteen

Mexico reminds Holi of LA. Strange thought, right? It's just that she had heard of so many beautiful stories of people getting married on Mexico's beautiful beaches and couples in love dancing the night away in brightly lit bars or families going on adventures within the Mexican boarders, making happy memories to last a lifetime...much like many people do in LA.

But to someone like Holi, that's all smoke and mirrors. She can feel the darkness descend on her as she crosses the Mexican border. It's the same darkness that hangs over Skid Row and Splitz Avenue. It's the type of darkness that rich people hide and pretend does not exist in their beautiful city or country. But for people like Holi, this darkness consumes you, clings to your skin, and eats at your soul until nothing is left.

It's silly and very stupid but Holi can't help the disappointment that creeps into the pit of her stomach when Chuck does not drive towards the beaches but rather towards the mountains. What was she expecting? Chuck to take her on a romantic weekend to a beach paradise? Besides, anywhere with Chuck would most certainly not be paradise.

She can't stop her smile though when she thinks of Austin, anywhere with him would be paradise. She can see it now - waking up in a big bed with a beautiful view of the sea just outside big doors leading onto a patio, a light breeze making soft white curtains billow softly, and Austin...Austin is in soft blue jeans sipping coffee as he stands on the patio while he looks out at the sea. She would trace the lines of his back with her eyes and Austin would feel her eyes on him and turn around slowly, flashing her a soft warm smile. Then he would walk up to her, cuddle her, and give her a sleepy soft kiss.

She sighs at her daydream and sinks into the chair a little, just the thought of Austin makes her go plaint. It feels so real when she lets her mind wander like this. She knows that until the day she dies she will daydream of Austin and then when death takes her she will wake up to find herself in that room on the beach with Austin in paradise.

She is snapped out of her paradise by Chuck's nasty spider-like fingers curling around her knee. If she still had her knife she would stab him again even if it meant nailing his hand to her knee. She hates him so much. She goes to jerk out of his hold but then remembers she has a part to play so while holding down her bile she laces her fingers with his as she closes her eyes and focuses on the image of Austin in her head...keep me safe, my love.

Not long later the car comes to a halt and Chuck jumps out. Holi watches him run around to her side and open the door then yank her out, "ta-da," he says and points to a building. Holi's heart drops right out of her body. She has heard of this place. It's half a ruin and the other half that is still standing is engorged with crack heads, junkies, prostitutes, drug dealers, and the lowest of the low. People die in there every day and the police will not bother stepping a foot in there because, as she has heard, once in - never out.

"Why are we here, Chuck?" Holi asks griping the car door. Chuck looks at her and lets out a shocked gasp, "well because this is home silly girl," he says and starts to pry her fingers from the door, "Chuck, I will never survive in there. If you take me in there I am as good as dead," Holi protests and tries to wriggle out of his grasp, but he holds on tightly, "that is the whole point, Holi," he says. Holi tries to push him away, "what? But why? I thought you wanted me by your side...you are going to kill me? No, Chuck - please," Holi can feel the panic vibrating through her body.

Chuck starts laughing, his laugh penetrates Holi's skin and hammers into her chest. Holi has never been one to beg and grovel, but with the desperation she feels now she knows she is not above it. "I am going to kill you, Holi. I am going to kill the Holi that is before me now," he says and starts tugging her towards the door, "this Holi is defiant and I can't trust this Holi. So I am going to kill her. Once she is dead a new Holi will awaken," he says and slams her face-first against the wall then whispers into her ear, "the new Holi will be addicted to me, the new Holi will be my Queen...a King needs a Queen he can trust," he spits into her ear.