Secrets Look Different in the Light

Chapter 8

Jackie's POV

     Dylan kissed me. Avery's brother. The guy who used to call me booger, who once dared me to eat a worm. That Dylan. He kissed me, desperate and drunk.

I want to blame the breakup. I want to pretend it didn't happen. But the whiskey is still on my tongue, and his words keep looping in my head-"Jackie love, you think too much."

What if I hadn't thought? What if I let him back in, let him lay me down on his bed with our lips still attached? What if Avery had walked in seconds later? Why would he put that on me? Of all people, why me? He could've gone to a friend, or hooked up with some girl at school—God knows there are plenty who'd say yes. But no, he leaned on me. And now I'm left to carry it. I can't tell Avery. She already thought something was going on. If she knew he kissed me, she'd never believe nothing else happened. So I'm stuck. I can't talk to her. And I can't talk to him—he's too drunk to even remember. Or maybe he does, and just doesn't care.

     I sink deeper into the couch, trying to forget, but Avery plops beside me, wrestling Theo for the last of the popcorn. When she wins, she still offers it to me. I force a smile. Maybe she feels guilty for accusing me. She shouldn't. She wasn't entirely wrong. I just wasn't aware until now.

Dylan's POV

     I didn't plan to kiss her. It just happened. And yeah, maybe I was drunk, but that doesn't mean it wasn't real. Jackie was there when everything fell apart- when May finally showed me how little I mattered to her. Jackie listened. She stayed. She gave a shit. And I needed that. I needed something-someone- to make me feel like I wasn't completely falling apart. So I kissed her.

I tell myself it was about comfort. But really, I think I just wanted to forget. She was there, and she cared, and I didn't want to feel alone. Maybe that's not fair to her, but I needed someone, and she let. So no, I don't regret it. Even if I probably should.

But I saw it in her eyes- the moment Theo and Avery barged in, she shut down. They ruined it. Probably scared her off for good.

I pull open my drawer, the energizer bunny flings to the front. The thing May chose over me. I held onto it because I knew- knew the second I handed her that jacket, she'd check for it. The paranoid look on her face when she realized it wasn't there... she was so quick to the defense, and I hadn't even said anything yet. Over such a small bag that now sits in my drawer. 

And I hate that I still love her. That after everything she did—after how easily she dropped me—I'm still clinging to scraps. Like if I remember enough, it'll make the love worth something again. But it won't. She's gone. And I'm still hers in all the ways that matter. I don't know how to stop being in love with her.

My fingers twitch around the bag. What does this shit even feel like? What's so good it made her throw me away?

Theo's POV

      Avery's in peacekeeping mode now that she knows Jackie and Dylan aren't a thing

"I'm gonna make some more popcorn, y'all can fight over the next movie we watch." Avery jokes, heading to the kitchen. 

"So long as it's not another romance film, I don't care." Jackie says with a sigh.
"How's Dylan doing?" I ask her. 

She shrugs. "How good can you be when your girlfriend dumps you mid-breakdown?" 

"Fair. Drinking the afternoon away isn't the worst response. He'll rebound, get laid, move on. It's what most guys do." 

She turns to me with this tight glare. "Seriously? That's how you think this works?"

"I mean- it depends. But after what May pulled? He's probably ready to hook up with whoever's next, just to get her out of his head." 

 "Guys are disgusting." she mutters.
"You think he should just sit in his room pining forever?" I ask. 

She shakes her head."No, but maybe aim for someone he actually cares about. Not just the nearest warm body."

I shrug. "People don't always make the healthy choice after a breakup. They make the easiest one."

She scoffs, crossing her arms. "So maybe you should go hook up with someone too. Get over Avery."

I choke, coughing hard. My eyes snap to the kitchen. Avery's coming back.

"What are we watching?" she grins, popcorn in hand.

I didn't think anyone knew. I've been careful- never said anything out loud, never looked too long, never let myself act on it. I thought I'd buried it well enough that no one could tell how I felt about Avery. And yet Jackie, of all people, just laid it bare like it was obvious.

Jackie's POV

     Anyone. That's what I am to him. Anyone who isn't May. Sure, he didn't sleep with me, just kissed me, but, but that kiss? That was him trying to forget her. He said it himself—he didn't want May to be the last person he kissed. So he kissed me. I was easy. There. It didn't mean anything to him. I'm just a rebound. Someone to erase the taste of her. I guess I should be happy? That it doesn't mean anything...

     I was being a dick when I snapped at Theo. The Avery thing was low. I've never said anything before, and I shouldn't have now. But I was pissed. Not even at him, really- at myself. And yeah, maybe at Dylan too.

 Now Avery is here between us, and he's anxiously waiting for me to blurt his secret out. I won't. I'm not cruel. Whether or not Avery knows about his feelings, it's not my place. But I do wish he'd stop waiting on her like she's ever going to choose him. Avery is with Jayden, and she has no intention of splitting from him. I hope he knows he deserves better. He shouldn't spend all his time and energy on Avery when she's not even with him. And if what he needs is a random hookup to move on, then I honestly hope he does just that.

Avery's POV

     We're nearly finished with the movie when the stench of cigarettes and chardonnay hits my nose.

"Anyone home?" my mom calls. My spine stiffens. Theo's eyes dart to mine. Jackie turns to me with panic.

"Dylan." she whispers. Shit. He's still upstairs, probably still drunk. If my dad sees him like that...

I mouth go to to Jackie. She bolts. My mom walks in, wearing a long black cotton dress with sandals. Her eyes glossed from the booze she had on the plane, and her lips chapped from the smoke of her cigarette. She looks fragile.

     My dad slowly trudges in behind her on a call, brow furrowed in frustration. He has his travel suit on, (because yes, he does have a suit dedicated to traveling), all gray with a light blue button up underneath. No tie and the top two buttons left undone to give a slightly casual look to it. His gray hair is spiked up to perfection, but he has scruff on his face that I'm sure is driving him crazy. He never goes a day without shaving, seeing him with scruff is a rare and odd sight. He must be tired.

 Didn't know y'all were coming back so soon," I say, standing to give her a hug, holding my breath.

"Just a layover," Mom beams. "Thought we'd grab dinner with our kids before New York." She says happily. My dad finally hangs up the phone, turning his attention to us.

Dad hangs up and turns to me. "Invite Jayden tonight," he says flatly, then kisses my forehead.

"Dylan around?" He asks. Please let him be sobered up, please let him be sobered up.

"Yeah, his room I think." I respond. 

He nods, looking down at his phone again. "I'm gonna go find your brother." He says, heading up the stairs.

"Alright dear I'm gonna go freshen up before dinner." Mom says, exiting the room behind him.

The second he's out of sight, I let out the breath I've been holding. Theo puts his arms around me.

"You okay?"

He knows my parents are a lot and every time they come home I find myself walking on eggshells.

I nod. "They're only here a few hours. I just need Dylan to be sober in like... half a second."