Secrets Look Different in the Light

Chapter 31

Dylan's POV 

Jackie likes me. I can't ignore that, but I also can't ignore that I'm still hung up on May. I thought being friends with benefits would keep me from circling back to her. I thought Jackie would be enough. 

But I was still doing coke with May in a bathroom last night, and now Jackie has feelings for me-

*buzz buzz*

And May is still calling me. 

I pull my phone out to decline May's 7th call in a row, only to realize it's a text this time. 

"I'm outside. Come meet me."

Of course she's here. Not invited, but showing up anyway, ready to ruin my night.

"Go home May." 

I send it. Because if I even think about entertaining this tonight, I need to end things with Jackie first. She's already gotten dragged too deep into my mess. I don't want to hurt her.

"I'm not trying to crash your party, this is important." 

And against every sliver of better judgment I have, I go outside. She's on the hood of her Audi, picking at her fingernails. A nervous habit that she can't kick.

"What's up?" I ask. I try to sound annoyed, but the weed dulls it.

 "You're throwing a lake house party again," she says. There's pain in her voice. "Last time you did, it was when-"

"When I found out you cheated," I cut in.

She pauses, letting the silence linger. Then, she tries to pivot.

"How is it in there?" 

"May why are you here?" I ask. I can't do the games tonight.

She stands. "I was worried about you, okay? Kaitlyn told me you were throwing a lake house party, and I knew I was the cause last time. I hated hurting you like that, I didn't want to do that again." 

"You know you did though. So again- why are you here?" I ask.

"Dylan, come on. You've been in my life for so long. I can't keep pretending we're just bitter exes." She says. 

I know what she's here for and it isn't me.  

I pull out the Pez dispenser in my pocket and place it in her hand. 

"You have what you came for. Now go home. I'm not pretending to be a bitter ex. I am one." I tell her and turn to leave.

"Dylan, this isn't what I came for. If it was I would've called Pez- not you." She yells to me, catching my attention.

"You didn't last night. You texted me and left the moment you had it." I remind her. 

I'm trying to convince myself of this "bitter ex act" as much as I am her.  

"I'm sorry, okay? I just... I fucking miss you. I just needed an excuse to see you yesterday." She stumbles to her car and gets in without starting it.

I hesitate, heart pounding, but then I find myself walking toward her car and sliding into the passenger seat before I can talk myself out of it.

"So what? You wanna be friends now?" I ask and she smiles up at me, wiping at the corners of her eyes.

She gives me a teary smile and hands back the Pez.

"Something like that."

 I'm tired- of myself, of this cycle. I know I'm the one who made this mess, but I don't know how to stop. The conversation with May, the guilt about Jackie- it's all pressing down on me like a weight I can't lift. I get that familiar itch, like my body already knows how to escape the pressure before my brain catches up.