First Heartbreak

18

"Oy! Lupa to Vanilla!" Mabilis akong napatayo dahil sa gulat at nalaglag naman ang mga gamit na nasa kandungan ko.

Sinamaan ko ng tingin si London ngunit humalakhak lang siya. Mabilis na lumapit sa kaniya si Orion at inakbayan ang baliw kong kaibigan na ngayon ay bigla na lang naging demure.

Napangiwi ako dahil sa kaniya at pinulot na ang mga nahulog na gamit. Tinulungan naman ako ng dalawa pero pagkatapos makuha ang mga gamit ay lumayo-layo ako sa kanila. Baka langgamin pa ako dahil sa paglalandian nila.

Weh? Inggit ka lang, kamo! Anang isang boses sa isipan ko.

Napasimangot ako dahil sa naisip. Ba't ako maiinggit? Having a romantic relationship is not even in my list!

Napailing na lang ako sabay tingala sa kalangitan. May eroplanong dumaan at napangiti ako sa pag-iisip na ilang oras mula ngayon ay kami naman ang makakasakay doon.

Tapos na ang maikling bakasyon namin dito kina London. Sabay kami ng mga kaibigan na tutungo sa States kaya hindi naman nakakalungkot. Maliban na lang kay Caramel dahil babalik na ito sa Pilipinas

'Yon nga lang, may kaniya-kaniya rin kaming mga trabaho kaya kahit siguro nasa iisang bansa lang kami ay hindi pa rin kami madalas na magkikita.

I was about to bring my luggage to the garage when Xaviell suddenly appeared. I was too surprised to even move and he took advantage of that. He held my hand and pulled me to the hidden part of their garden.

"What did I do? Please tell me," he asked in hoarse and almost-desperate voice. "This isn't how I imagined us to meet."

I closed my eyes and heaved a deep sigh. This is the last day of my vacation and I don't want to ruin this. I gathered my strength and when I felt calm enough, I spoke.

"Here's the thing, you're the one who told me that you don't want to have anything to do with me! So why do you keep on pretending that you're not mad at me or whatever!"

He looked surprised with my words but I continued. Siya ang nagsimula nito, pwes sasagot ako!

"Maybe you've moved on but I haven't, okay?" I continued, my voice almost trembling. "I'm still haunted by the guilt! I'm sorry, okay? For what happened to your friend and... to Simone—"

"I don't understand," he cut me off. "I said this before and I'm saying this again... I never once thought that you're to be blame for Salvador's death. And I don't blame you for what happened to Simone either..."

I swallowed hard and averted my eyes to the side. I could feel the corners of my eyes starting to get wet. I paused for a while because if I won't, I'm gonna start crying ugly. And that's honestly the least that I want to happen.

Alam kong apektado pa rin ako dahil sa mga nangyari noon kahit ilang taon na ang nakalipas pero hindi ko alam na ganito pala ako kaapektado. Akala ko na kahit kaunti ay nabawasan na ang mga dinadala ko. 'Yon pala ay ganoon pa rin. Hindi ko pa rin kayang pag-usapan ito nang hindi naluluha.

"I don't think we're at the same page," he spoke again, but this time, his tensed voice was replaced with his familiar-gentle one.

I turned to him despite the fact that my tears are slowly streaming down my cheeks. Binalewala ko na ang hiya.

"Days before I left Aldea Blanca, I left you a letter... explaining everything I wanted to tell you— from Salvador to Simone... you didn't know what Salvador did so that's why you had no reason to blame me."

"I wasn't sure when you'd come back so that's what I did," I continued, my voice still surprisingly stable. "You sent a reply letter to Vera who then brought it to me when she visited me... you said that..." I paused for a moment and closed my eyes. Every time I remember that letter, my heart feels like it's being torn into pieces. It's so painful to the point that I feel numb afterwards.