Trust Worthy || Part 2

The lasting effects ch.78

Tk found himself on the couch again but not their couch at home the therapy couch he was a fucking mess

"So tell me why your here ." His therapist asked "my dad asked me for coffee today and I walked off .." tk said, "you're bothered because he offered coffee?" She asked, " no because he's acting all chipper as nothing happened then he asked me if I'm okay ." Tk scoffed " of course, I'm not okay why would I be okay ." Tk said playing with his fingers "tk play with the stress putty not your fingers .." she said as Tk's grabbed the stress putty off the table "what did you say to your father in response ? She asked, " that I was fine ." Tk said playing with the putty

"What got you frustrated that he was happy ?" She said and that broke tk the feeling of overwhelmed grief and guilt like a storm cloud still wavering over his head " I'm just angry .." tk said his voice breaking as his eyes watered " at him, at myself, at her ." Tk said putting the stress putty down on the table why couldn't she stay why weren't we enough .." tk said crying "why are you angry at yourself ?" His therapist asked

"Cause I am so fucked up she deserved a kid who's not fucked up like I was and Jonah was that and she got that taken away from her she didn't deserve that .." tk said crying his therapist never stopped him when he cried tk bottle most of his emotions up so for him to let it out showed growth progress "I'm mad at myself because I woke up this morning seeing Carlos next to me and Willow sleeping in her bed and I was happy and then I remembered she gone and how am I supposed to feel happy after that ?" Tk said wiping his face "and I guess when I saw my dad happy I felt like she was forgotten

" I'm not sure the last time that I talked to her on the phone that I said I loved her .. did she know when she ...when she died did she know that I loved her ?" Tk said crying even harder " I wonder what was she thinking right before she died .." tk said " she spent her whole life trying to help me whether it was rehab or trying to get me to feel better after heartbreak and when she was in the most pain in her life I wasn't there I couldn't help because I didn't know because I wasn't there I wasn't there for her .." tk said

"I'm mad at myself because I took her away from everything she loved Jonah, Enzo, the firm... I took that way from her because I let her go back to New York or maybe it was because she came down in the first place .." tk said " I'm mad at myself because I overdosed and dad dragged me down to Austin away from her if I stayed - she wouldn't be dead .." tk said

"I'm mad because I can't let her go I can't let her Rest In Peace because she's not out of my head she's all I think about... I thought about the funeral after I said what I needed to say that I had let her go .. and I did but did I ? Because I'm still holding her captive and I can't let her go because shes my mom she will always be and I don't know how to let go .." tk said wiping his tears with his hoodie

"You start by talking about it .." she said " the grief is gonna stick around for a while tk whether it be the month or years but it will get easier eventually but you need to allow yourself to feel the grief to start accomplishing it.." she said " your mom will always be with you and be on your mind but it won't always be the thought that she's gone... It will be the happier moments.."