Depressed // lh

Chapter 15

Noel's Point Of View

I woke up the next day with a smile on my face. I grinned from ear to ear. I remember every single little detail from last night with the boys. All the laughs and smiles.

I got out of bed. I changed into a tank top and some shorts. I slipped on some flip-flops. I put my hair in a messy bun and went downstairs.

Aunt Cathy left a note on the refrigerator, saying that she won't be home until late and that there's dinner in the fridge for me to heat up if I get hungry.

My phone buzzed, telling me that I have a text message. It's from Luke.

"Come outside," The message read.

I laughed quietly to myself and lead myself outside. Luke was swinging back and forth on the porch swing. He smiled and patted the spot next to him, gesturing me to sit. I made my way over to him and sat down. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and brought me closer to him.

"So, how have you been?" Luke asked. "I couldn't stop thinking about after last night. I had a lot of fun. Even though, you beat every single one of us at bowling."

I laughed and rested my head on his shoulder. "I did, as well. I think it's been the most fun I've had since I arrived in Australia."

He smiled and rested his head on top of mine. He looked at me. "I wanted to ask you something. When we first met, why didn't you like me?"

There's one of the questions that I wished he'd never ask. To this point, I don't even know the answer. Why didn't I like him back then?

"Landon," I said.

He raised an eyebrow. "Who's landon?"

I looked away. "Landon was my best friend I ever had before I moved here. We used to do everything together. We'd go to the movies, go bowling, play basketball, or get ice cream. We were those type of best friends that when you seen them in public, you wouldn't see one without the other. That's how we used to be. It was the night before I decided I wanted to express my feelings for him. I loved him. It was around three in the morning. I was sleeping, but then woke up because my mom was screaming. I rushed downstairs. She was bawling. She told me that Landon committed suicide by gunshot. I stopped breathing for a moment. I even pinched myself to see if it was real. It was. I screamed and punched the wall. My mother and father tried so hard to get me to stop. I couldn't. After that day, I sort of changed. I became sadder and sadder each day. My favorite things became my hated things. I wasn't nice to anyone. All I wanted was to be alone. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. It hasn't been the same since."

I turn towards Luke. He gave me a look I've never seen before. I look of pity? I kept my word. I don't take pity from anyone, no matter who it is.

"Noel," Luke said. "I'm so sor-"

"Don't," I said. "I don't take pity from others. I've learned that from that hard way."

"Noel?" Luke asked. "Can I see your wrists?"

I was taken back. My wrists? Luke actually thinks I cut myself? Cutting isn't something I would do to get rid of the pain I feel. I'm emotionally and verbally hurt to the point where I can't cause physical harm, such as cutting or burning, to myself. There's been moments where I think suicide is the only thing for me, but never attempted it.

"Luke," I said, grabbing his hand. "I would never cut myself. Sure, I've thought about it, but never actually done it. I always do stuff just to hurt people, but now I've met you, there's so reason to hurt someone. I come to realize that pushing people away always makes things worst, no wonder why I'm so alone."

"Noel," Luke said. "Pushing people away from you just to be alone isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes people need to be alone to think without the distractions from others. Pushing people who trying to help is considered a bad thing. They want to help you. To gets better. Think about your parents. How do you think they feel about you? Scared? Worried? They're scared to the point even if they look away for a second, you could possibly hurt yourself or anyone. They want to be there for you, you have to let them, so they could help you."

"You think I don't know that?" I asked him.

"I know you know that," He said, smiling. "I know you know that people want to help you get better."

I laid my head on his chest. "It's so hard, though. Accepting help from others."

"It takes time," He whispered into my hair, pulling me closer to him. "And I'll help you, if you want."

I looked up at him and smiled. "I would like that."

--

Luke and I walked down the sidewalk, hand in hand. It feels like we're together, but not officially together.

But there's this feeling.

The feeling of fear. Maybe I'm not ready for another relationship. I'm still not over Landon and I may never be. I can see myself with Luke, but what if the same thing happens with Luke, like it did with Landon? I don't know what I would do. I don't ever want to lose Luke. He's important to me now. I used to hate him, now I think I need him.

"What are you thinking about?" Luke asked, interrupting my thoughts.

"Things," I respond. "You and I."

"Are they good?" Luke laughed.

"Perfect," I said, chuckling. "They're so perfect."

We sat down on the same bench from the very first time I've been here. I still remember that day. I watch as ducks fly by and I remember how I wanted to be like them. To fly. To be away from everyone.

"It's beautiful," I said.

"It really is," Luke said.

But, Luke wasn't talking about the scenery, he's talking about me.

/•\•/•\

I CHANGED LOGAN TO LANDON FOR REASONS! I NOW REALIZE THIS BOOK WILL BE OVER SOON! BUT I MAY OR MAY NOT START A SEQUEL! I WILL START A NEW BOOK IN A FEW WEEKS AND ACTUALLY KEEP IT! THIS HAS BEEN A GREAT JOURNEY!

THANK YOU!

- Meep