Depressed // lh

Chapter 19

Noel's Point Of View

I sat by the window sill, watching as the rain fell. I wonder what it's like to be rain. They'll disappear in a second, always forgotten.

My old self is coming back.

For the past two hours, my parents tried to make me come out. There isn't no use. I don't want to be here. At all. I want to in Australia. I believe I belong there and my parents can't see that. I wished Aunt Cathy tried harder.

Someone knocked on my door.

I groaned. "Go away."

"It's me," Levi said from the other side of the door. "Can I come in?"

I huffed and agreed. Levi entered the room and sat next to me. Words weren't exchanged between us. Silence filled the room and I somewhat liked it.

"What are you thinking?" He asked me, looking at me.

"I honestly don't know," I said. "I just wished I didn't leave. I was actually happy. I moved on. I found someone. It crushed me that I had to leave him."

"You'll find a way back to each other," Levi said. "I know you will."

I ignored him and sighed. Maybe, he's right. Luke and I will find a way back to one another. I just wished that happen already. I miss him. A lot. It killed me, having to leave him.

"You'll get through this, Noel," He said. "Promise me something? Please don't go back to your old ways."

Too late.

--

Levi left after two or three hours. I slipped into a pair of jeans, boots, owl tee, and slipped my arms through the sleeves of a plaid flannel.

I smelled food and instantly knew my mother is making lunch.

I have been having the thought of texting Luke or not. It's been about two or three days since we talked and it's killing me. I don't want him to think I forgot about him, but I won't. I grabbed my phone from the stand next to my bed and unlocked it. I tapped on the message icon and looked at the last message. It was sent a day before I found out I had to leave to go back to Arizona.

I slid my phone back into my pocket.

What if Luke doesn't want to talk to me? He seemed really upset, but be could've done that to hide his happiness. I notice some people do that. When you're depressed like me, you'll notice the fake smiles that people give, you'll notice that they try so hard to smile even if they're dying inside.

"Noel!" My mother called from downstairs. "Dinner is ready."

---

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend. Somewhere along the bitterness. And I would stay up with you all night. Had I known how to save a life.

I listened as The Fray's music filled the quiet room. Their music completes me. They're my favorite band. Ever since I listened to them for the very first time, I've always wanted to see them in concert.

A knock was heard.

"Noel?" Anna's head pops in my room. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

Anna shrugged. "You don't seem happy."

I turned towards the wall. "Cause I'm not."

"Why?" She asked, sitting on the edge of my bed. "I thought you were now that you're home."

"I didn't want to come back," I rolled my eyes. "I wanted to stay there."

Anna kept silent. She told me she's going back downstairs. I didn't any nothing. I took out my journal from under my pillow. I still remember I used to write in this every single day and then stopped when I found Landon died. Most of the journal entries were mostly about him.

I turned a a page in my journal.

July 3, 2014

It's been exactly two weeks since he died. The pain in my heart keeps on increasing every single second of the day. The tears stream down my face even faster and I didn't felt the urge to wipe them.

I can't believe he's gone.

I closed the journal and held it against my chest. I still remember that exact day when I wrote the entry. I couldn't stop crying. His death hit me like a ton of bricks and they kept on falling and falling.

All I want to know is why did he do it. If I knew he's feeling the way he was, I could of helped me get through it. I would of done anything to make him happy even if it means leaving my house at four o'clock in the morning, I would still do it.

I still love him and I will never stop.

"Noel?" Mom said. "Levi is here."

Levi enters the room, shutting the door behind him. He didn't say a word. He noticed the tearfulness in my eyes, but didn't acknowledge it.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No."

He gave me a hug. "It'll get better. If you need me, text me. Or call me. You can even come to my house. I don't care what time it is in the night, just come over."

"You're amazing," I said.

---

I stared at the ceiling as I laid in bed, thinking if I should call Luke or not. What if he's happy I'm gone? He probably faked being sad and then smiled once I got on plane.

What about Lauren?

I didn't see Lauren the day I left. I feel awful not seeing her. Who knows when I'll come back to Australia and see them again? It won't be for awhile.

It's three in the morning.

Luke should be awake or he's probably sleeping. I've gone with my gut and unlocked my phone, clicking on the contacts icon.

I tapped on his name and waited as the phone rang. What if he won't answer? What if he forgot about me?

My heart keeps beating and it's beating faster every second like I've just ran a mile.

Someone picks up the phone. "Hello?"

I closed my eyes. "Luke?"

/•\•/•\

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- meep