"Ok. What in the world happened there." Vivian motions her hand in a circle in my face pointing out my expression.
We made it back to the house and Vivian had too many questions.
"He... told me he loved me" I blurt out as Vivian's expression stays the same.
"Oh we all knew that." Vivian blows a raspberry as if it was old news.
"But I told him I didn't feel the same." I say hesitantly as her yea grow in size in surprise and maybe a little judgement.
"You what!? We all know y'all are gonna end up together. Of course you love him!" Vivian yells out laying down on the sheets.
"He told me he wanted nothing to do with me. So I said that if that was how he wanted it then... ok. That's how it will be. But we are now just two people that have the same friends." I breath out realizing how Sergio it sounds out loud.
"You know that's not happening right?" I Ian laughs acting like this wasn't serious and it was a huge prank on her.
A Somali silence peeks in.
"Airs when will you let yourself be loved?" Vivian asked dryly catching my attention.
"What?" I ask taking a bite of a focaccia o brought back home from the bakery.
"I mean every time. This happens every time you get attached to something. You love it so much but as soon as you realize that maybe... just maybe things aren't gonna be so bad. And that you would be LOVED. You back out. Cause your too scared" Viviana's words stab me like a knife.
"That's crap and you know it." I sit next to her on the bed wondering what she meant by the words she basically just layed on the table.
"If that's crap then you do love him."
I sit there drowning in my thoughts. Maybe I did. Maybe i could be happy.
"Of course I love him" I whisper hoping maybe she wouldn't hear me.
"Knew it." Vivian laughs shrugging her shoulders in defeat.
"But now the only problem is; he is over there trying to get completely over you. And I'm not the one your supposed to me confessing to am I?"
"But i can't tell him that." I sigh. Vivian grunts standing up from the bed grabbing my hands and pulling me up or be level with her.
"Yes you can!" Vivian yells enthusiastically.
"No I can't!" I yell ruining the enthusiasm. "I can't Vivian. Would he still love when he knows why I was at the pharmacy that day? Would he still love me when he knows why I haven't had a sleepover since I was 6? Or why I can't go more than 7 ft into that freakin ocean!" A pool of tears were spewing down my face.
We were both crying. Crying for me. Crying for Matteo. Crying for our broken love. But most of crying for the fact that we've been here before.
My voice cracks into pieces as we pull into a longing hug. "I- I can't vivian." I cry into her shoulder. "I can't do that to him"
<<<>>>
"You did this to me" I faint voice echoed In my ear.
"You killed me" repeated over and over in my eyes getting louder and louder with every consonant.
No you didn't Aria. You didn't kill anyone. He saved you. You didn't do this on purpose.
"Did you want me to die my daughter" before I could respond I was splashing in a cold ocean.
I tried swimming back to the top but a hand was keeping me down going further and further. My oxygen left my body with every inch. I tried screaming. I tried going back but this hand had a tight grip on me.
So I let it.
"ARIA ARIA" my mother shakes my arms as I flutter my eyes open in a pool of sweat and a dreary mind. When I realize that I'm screaming and moving vividly. I Try stopping. Mother holds down my shoulders as I take deep breaths trying to sit up when all the energy was just sucked up out of me.
"Your ok. They can't reach you"
I cry into my mothers shoulder. "It was all my fault mom" she didn't respond because she knew I needed this. I needed to feel.
