flicker oneshots.

Cigarette burns

 I JUST WANNA SAY I PUBLISHED MY FIRST FANFICTION, IT'S CALLED "if I were honest, would you believe me?" ITS ON MY PAGE RN AND IMA BE WORKING ON IT AS WELL AS SOME ONESHOTS HERE

Published: January 2, 2023 | 5:13 PM

Trey/Miguel

Angst

TWs

Cigarettes 

Self-harm

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TREY

      Smoke, smoke clouded the empty alleyway between two buildings and me. I lean against the wall, back touching the cold, hard brick. NYC at night was so empty and so cold, but I loved the feeling. I loved feeling the breeze on my skin and I liked the bright city lights reflecting on the dark atmosphere. I held a lit cigarette between my finger, the air still filled with smoke, and smelled like it too. A white particle escaped my mouth every time I breathed, and then it enters through my nose. I cough. Not many people roam the streets here at night, but the people who do just walk right past me and go on with their night. 

      Ah shit, the cigarette ran out. I flicked at it to put the rest out, then dropped it on the floor and stomped on it. I still had a pack and decided I want to move spots, I was getting bored here anyway. Getting on my feet, I walked out of the alleyway and found a pebble sitting around on the sidewalk, out of boredom I kicked it while I walked. I eventually found a bench in a park, so I just sat on it. I slid my hand into my pocket and dug for the cigarette pack I had with me and pulled it out. I opened it, Fuck, it's the last one. I thought. Whatever, I'll buy a new pack tomorrow. I carefully pulled it out with the lighter I kept in there. Flick. The lighter lit up, and burnt the white part of the cigarette, I blew at it and smoke immediately rose out. I crushed the empty packet with my cold hands and closed my eyes. I had an addiction to smoking, and I know it's bad but I honestly can't help it. I grew up being insecure about myself and smoking was one way to distract myself. And I'm aware that there are so many other ways to distract myself from that, but I don't care, I mean like I don't even plan on being here for a while anyway.

      I looked around my surroundings, I checked to see if there was anyone around. No one, good. But I still didn't feel comfortable, so I just got up and ran towards the closest building, went inside, and rushed to the bathrooms. I locked myself in the last stall and pulled at my sleeves, I tucked them up and observed the previous scars that I had given to myself, burns and cuts. Smiling, for the first time in a while, I gently pressed the burning part of the cigarette onto my skin, in an instant, I felt an intense burn stab in my skin, and I heard sizzling as well. I smiled softly, knowing it'd be ugly but I don't care. My only problem with harming myself was that it hurt but it felt good at the same time. And I did it again until I was satisfied. I got a bit carried away, because I hear a voice in a sort of loud tone. "Who the hell is smoking in here? This is a fucking public bathroom!" I paused, not moving, not speaking. They spoke again, "If you aren't using the bathroom, you might as well leave, don't cloud this place up with the smell of the smoke." I heard them turning the sink on. I knew they were talking to me since I was the only one in here other than them. "Sorry.?" I apologized in a quiet, calm voice.  "Whatever, no big deal. Just do that outside." They said for the last time before leaving. Gee, passive-aggressive much? I thought. They were right though, no point in staying in the bathroom if you aren't even using it. So I just put it out and threw it in the trash. I unlocked the stall and washed my hands with soap, but I could still smell the smoke stained on my hands. 

      I grabbed my phone and checked the time. 2:27 am. Shit, that's not too bad. Hopefully, my roommate isn't awake, I don't want him bombarding me with questions and accusing me of smoking because of my scent. Hopefully, he doesn't notice like the last time he caught me sneaking out.