Existence

1.

~ K I N S L E Y ' S P O V~

   
Tired. Alone. Regret. Tired, Alone, and Regret were the things that replayed in my mind. Day by day, Night by night. Hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second.

Tired from all of the restless nights Alone filled with regret from all of MY wrong doings.

Tired from all of the fighting i've done alone after the regret I felt keeping myself awake, alive even.

Tired Alone and Regret were feelings that have numbed and pained me all of these years.

Tired, Alone, and Regret were the things not only haunting me but have been made clear it was the only thing I would ever feel. That I would ever understand.

Tired is being in need of sleep or rest; weary. Tired is no longer being fresh or in good condition.

Alone is having no one else present. Alone is having no help or participation from others. Alone is being isolated or lonely.

Regret is feeling sad, repentant, or disappointed over. Regret is feeling bad about something that you shouldn't have felt bad about.

I closed the journal in which the pages sat dampened from the endless amount of tears slowly falling from my eyes. I hid it in it's spot, under the old broken floor board that only I knew about.

The time is 6:30 a.m. School starts in an hour and I have yet to make breakfast for my family.

Family.

Family never has and never will sit right with me. I've never had a family. I've had people that have given me a roof over my head and thats about it. The people I call Sir and Ma'am.

I remember once when I was 5 I had wished to be loved like a mother and father should love their daughter. I remembered once when I was 7 wishing I could have a sibling to make this hell a little more tolerable.

I got up off the cold, broken floor, rushing to the bathroom to cover some of the many visible bruises.

One time I went to school with them visible. I was 5 when that happened. My kindergarten teacher asked me about it and once I told her she had told my father what I had said and it was horrible.

I finished covering up the spots in which would be visible, and made my way to the make shift closet. It held only 2 pair of leggings, a pair of jeans that are way to big, 2 shirts, one hoodie, and a pair of shoes that are worn out.

I decided on the jeans and hoodie, sliding both on carefully to not smear the makeup. I then made my way down the stairs and began making breakfast for my parents.

It was a requirement that I had made them breakfast and dinner daily. One time I was late to make their dinner and my punishment was not being able to eat for a week.

I sighed, taking out the eggs and bacon, rushing to make sure it would be done before they woke up.

Luckily, it didn't take much time and I had it set up at the table. By time I heard them coming down the stairs, I had slipped out the door to begin my 30 minute walk to school.

Another one of their rules was that if I were to be seen by them in the morning there would be a consequence waiting for me when I walked through the door after school.

The walk to school was boring as per usual. I was told I didn't deserve friends so they were prohibited for me. There were quite the amount of people that tried to befriend me, but they had given up after they saw I wasn't budging.