Existence

9.

Tuesday,

Ive only been here a few days now and i've never felt more disappointed with myself in my entire life.

Life here in this mansion with 6 brothers and an actual father is insane. I feel like I shouldn't have been welcomed to this family and I should have been left in that hell hole to die.

I feel like i'm not very welcomed either. I mean sure I just got here and they know absolutely nothing about me but they really aren't making an effort to try to.

My writing was interrupted by a light knock on the door. "Kinsley, you still awake?" One said. I panicked, what would they have done if they caught me up at this hour? I quickly closed the notebook and twirled around in the chair.

"Uhh, y-yea I'm still awake, but i'll get to bed now." I said, slowly walking towards the bed. The door opened and Matteo walked in. All of my brothers sound the same so I never know which one is talking to me. 

   I sat up in the bed and waited for him to say something else. He flipped the light to the lowest setting so it wasn't very bright. "Are you ok?" He asked, finally making an appearance in my room.

   I didn't even know I was crying until I couldn't hold it in anymore. Matteo came further into the room and closed the door. "Kins listen, it's ok. They just aren't used to it yet." He said, now sitting across from me.

   "I don't feel like I belong here, Teo. Everyone looks at me as if I'm some kind of monster that you just let walk into your home! Nobody says anything around me, and there are all these secrets. I feel like i'm just someone that got picked up from the side of the road for christ sake!" I said, letting my emotions control me.

   "You know that's not true, we love you and all have welcomed you with warm arms. Some of us are just a little more cautious then the rest." Hey said, "Some of you, meaning all of you?" I pressed on.

   He furrowed his eyebrows, "I didn't say that." "No, but you meant it!" "Kinsley that's enough!" he bellowed and I shrunk in place. "You know damn well everyone here wanted you to come back into our lives to make our family a whole again." He said, using his hands to emphasize the meaning.

   "So you mean while I spent my time getting raped and abused you guys were out looking for me wondering where in the hell I went?"

   My eyes widened as my brain repeated what I had just said to my brother. He stared at me, his angered look turned to worried.

   "What?" He whispered, searching my face for a sign. "Matteo please, please do not tell anybody please please." I whispered, the tears once again falling freely. He stood up, grabbing a hold of my hands to stand me up too. He wrapped his arms around me and I did the same to him.

   "Nobody will ever hurt you again." he said through gritted teeth. "Never ever. You're safe here, I can promise you that." He said, his hold getting tighter.

   The door swung open and in came my father and a few other brothers. I didn't quite care who, I just didn't want them to know.

   "Matteo what happened, why is she crying." I looked at him and shook my head as he nodded. "She had a nightmare and I just happened to pass by as I heard it. It's alright I've got it handled." he said, not turning to look at the others.

   I buried my head into his shoulder and whispered a thank you. The others left, and I was lowered back down onto the very comfortable mattress.  

   "Get some sleep, you need it." Matteo said, letting go of my hand. "No, Matteo please stay." I whispered, drying the tears yet again. He simply nodded and took a seat on the couch that sat next to my bed.

    "Goodnight."

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Another short part- i'm still very slowly getting back into doing this stuff.

<3 K