Existence

32.

K I N S L E Y ' S    P O V

   Dear fucking diary.

You would think i'm made of glass the way i've been treated the past week.

"Kinsley don't do this."

"Kinsley don't do that."

What the fuck am I supposed to do? Stare at the damn wall all fucking day? It's not like i'm willing to talk to any of you fuckers.

The few days after I woke up, the doctors showed me a book full of simple words and phrases that they tried to get me to say. I'm pretty sure I know what a fucking cat is. I got shot, I didn't have a stroke.

Anyways, I got threatened by Roman and Luca that if I didn't cooperate with the doctor's, I'd be in big huge trouble when we got home.

Ok, were home. Where's the big huge fucking trouble?

When we got home, I was pretty much put on bed rest. I wasn't able to get up to use the bathroom by myself, I couldn't get up and walk downstairs, I couldn't get up to change the channel on the tv, I couldn't get up to look out the window.

I basically couldn't do jack fucking shit by myself. Matteo ordered the maids to literally hand feed me, help me shower and walk to the bathroom.

Thank you for worrying dear brother, but I can do my own shit.

All the family decided that they would stay a little while longer to make sure everything was all ok before they went back home.

Don't get me wrong, i'm happy they're here, I really am, but they can be so so annoying. I understand their just trying to help but I can't do it.

As I write this out to you, it's about 2:30 in the morning. After midnight is the only time I personally have to myself. I can walk around freely and do my own thing's without anyone stopping me.

   I closed the journal, sliding it back into its place. The first thing I decided to do was go downstairs and get some real food. Matteo said it's better if I eat and drink this fake shit. It's horrible, human torture if you ask me.

   I decided on some basic cereal which just so happened to be fruit loops. I did in-fact put it in the biggest bowl I could find. It was delicious by the way.

   My next action, which i'm surprised I didn't get caught over, was playing one of Romans video games. I played for like thirty minutes and lost all of the seven games I played. That had to have ruined something. I did end up yelling a whole lot at the other people who couldn't even hear me. But it's fine!

   The next thing I did was walk around the garden area outside. It was kind of cold and I was extremely out of breath for the short fifteen minutes I was out there.

   When I went back inside, I heard a few voices coming from the kitchen which made me stop dead in my tracks and hide behind the wall.

   "Has she talked to any of you yet?" The voice I recognized as Uncle Rocco asked. Uncle Roccos spent the most time trying to get me even the slightest bit of words. I just wanted to keep quiet, keep to myself for a little bit longer.

   "No, I'm afraid were gonna have to beat it out of her." My eyes widened. Beat? They wouldn't beat me right? I don't think I can handle another beating. They seriously wouldn't beat me though, would they?

   "Honestly, we might have to do something. I can't stand the silent treatment. Especially after we saved her life." Uncle Francisco said.

   Saved my life? Are you fucking kidding? I was so so close to finally having my wish come true and everyone suddenly sweeps in and saves the day. That doesn't mean you saved my fucking life. You saved yourself from being a bad person.

   "Matteo isn't doing enough. He need's to do more to make her learn." Uncle Francisco said again. At this point, I was fully leaning on the wall for support.

   I had heard enough. Luckily, there was a back entrance way to get back to the second floor. I just had to somehow quietly get up there and sneak back into my room.

   Ea- "And what do you think you're doing out of your room? At 3:30?" Luca whisper shouted. I looked up from the stairs and smiled widely. "You aren't supposed to be up and moving around." He said, crossing his arms.

   I continued walking up the stairs. When I reached my brother, I shrugged my shoulders. "Don't just shrug your shoulders and walk away. You could've hurt yourself." He said, tugging on my arm.

   I turned around to look at my dear older brother. "Hurt myself? Look at my Luca. I'm already fucking hurt. I've been hurting. I almost died, and I honestly would have been happy about it. I'm tired of being cooped up in my room all day letting other people run my life for me. I'll be off the sleep now." I said, shrugging his arm from my hold.

   Now usually, I wouldn't ever talk like that to my brothers, especially Luca. I know how he gets all upset and mad. But I just couldn't help myself. I've been bottling up all of my emotions for a while now.

   When I got to my room, I closed and locked the door, something they also haven't aloud since i've been 'hurt.'  As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out.

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Shorter one, kind of rushed and I'm very sorry about that.

The next one will be better :)

<3 K