Existence

14.

K I N S L E Y ' S P O V

I stayed in my room, sitting in the same position, for 2 hours. I slowly decided to get up, do something around the room that I wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon.

I walked to the closet, going to the section where I placed the hoodies. I grabbed a black one that had butterflies scattered across it. I then walked past the dresser. The one with my past hiding in the back.

   I shook away my thoughts and went to the desk that sat in the corner of the room. Taking out the journal and one of the pens, I wrote.

   I've always been told to trust nobody. That they would always end up doing something to ruin your trust completely. But I always had the biggest heart and physically made myself trust the people that I surrounded myself with.

   That night, I thought I had found peace when I had a friend. Though I quickly realized I was wrong. She betrayed my trust like all the others.

Because why would anyone waste their time on the broken girl?

   That night, I realized that nobody would ever be there for me. Of course I had already known that. It wasn't a surprise to me.

   The next morning was when I stopped trusting, but only for a few days. That's when I did the unimaginable. Something I told myself I would never try, or even do. But I guess when you're really in need, you forget your promises to yourself.

   That next morning was when I did my very first line. I hated it. Said I would never do it again. What a lie. I had done it three more times that day.

   Fast forward a little. It all started getting worse. I was heavily addicted but hid it very well when my mom and step father were home. When they were home, I spent my time being abused.

   Now I'm here, eight months sober, sitting in this mansion, with five brothers and a father. The perfect family right?

They told me I could forever trust them.

   When I told Matteo what had happened to me back home, I covered it up saying I didn't mean to say it. But I did. It was a cry for help. I was tired.

   I was tired of pretending I was just fine. I told him not to tell anyone. I didn't want the other's to know. They would have been different with me and that's not what I wanted.

   But I guess not everyone can always have what they want. They said I could trust them through anything, yet I was exposed to the six people I never wanted to fully see me.

   I guess they lied when they said I could forever trust them.

   I closed the book, sliding it back in the drawer of the desk. I dried the tears that fell during my writing.

   There was a knock on the door but I didn't move. "Kins, you in there?" someone said from the other side. I shuffled, letting whoever it was know that I was in fact still sitting here.

   He cleared his throat, "Dinner's ready, I just came to let you know." They said, opening the door to stick their head in.

   I turned around slowly, placing the hood over my head. Andrea. His face held a hopeful smile, though his eyes told a different story.

   "I uhh." I paused, turning back towards the desk to hide the tears. "I'm not very hungry right now, maybe later I can come get some." I said, my voice shaking.

   "Yea, that'd be fine. Just make sure to get something before you fall asleep." He said, worry laced in his voice. I simply nodded, not trusting my voice.

   The door closed a few seconds later and that's when I let the tears fall once again. I laid my head down on my arm.

   Suddenly, there was a hand rubbing circles on my back. I jumped at the gesture but kept my head down. Whoever it was kept doing this until I calmed down slightly.

   "You know we love you so so much." The person said. I brought my head off my arm, looking up at who it was. Matteo stood behind me, tears sat in his eyes.

says the one that did all this.

   I didn't say anything. I only looked at my brother. "I'm so sorry we weren't there for you." He whispered. I shook my head. "You didn't have to be there, Matteo. You didn't have to do anything." I said, turning around.

   If I keep looking at my brother like this I knew I would start crying once more. "We didn't want to hurt you, we just had to figure out how bad it got." He whispered again, taking his hand off my back.

   I stayed quiet for a second, not really knowing what to say. "It was pretty bad wasn't it. You didn't expect it to be as bad as it was did you." I said, turning around once more.

   This time he was quiet, until the tears finally left his now grey eyes. "I wish it wasn't that bad." He said, running his hand through his hair. He backed away, getting ready to leave.

   "I love you so much Kinsley. You have no idea." His words struck my heart. I had never been told that anyone ever loved me.

   I quickly tuned to look at him, he was now directly in front of the door. "Teo wait." I whispered as he turned around. I got out of the chair, running towards my brother.

   This is not what I wanted to do. I wanted to stay away from all of them but I knew I wouldn't be able to. I knew I couldn't ignore any of them, especially in a time like this.

  Matteo opened his arms as I made the impact with him. I wrapped my arms around his torso. "I'm so sorry sorellina." He said, wrapping his arms around my neck.

   We stayed like that for a while. I could tell he needed a hug just as much as I did. He suddenly picked me up. I put my arms around neck as my legs went around his torso.

  I laid my head on his shoulder as he opened the door. I let him take me wherever he was going which happened to be the dining room where everyone was seated having their usual conversations.

   Until we walked in. Their heads whipped to the both of us who had just walked in the room. I closed my eyes as Matteo brought me to his seat. I expected him to drop me off at the empty one next to his but I never hit the wooden chair.

   I could feel everyones eyes still dancing around the both of us. I turned to look at them, a worried expression on their faces. I quickly turned back around, not wanting to look anymore.

It was quiet for a while. My thought were all over the place. "I guess I can tell you all my story now." I said, turning back around.

They all nodded, "After dinner we can gather in the living area and talk." Andrea said, giving me a small smile. I simply nodded and placed my head back on Matteo's shoulder.

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Very sloppy chapter, but...
Make sure you're taking care of yourself love <3

With much love, K