Existence

15.

This chapter will discuss the following topics (briefly):
- rape
-abuse
-addiction

K I N S L E Y ' S   P O V

   Dinner was over shorter than what I had wished. I wasn't sure if I was actually wanting to tell them what happened.

It'll only help them understand me more.

   Who am I kidding, I don't really want them to understand me. I don't want them to treat me differently and I know that what they are going to do.

   I was sat on the couch in the middle of Matteo and Andrea. "Whenever you're ready." Dad spoke with sincerity. I nodded, taking the time to gather my breathing.

   "I guess i'll start from when I kind of remember it all." I said, looking at my brothers. All attention was on me and that kind of made happy. I was finally going to be able to talk and have people listen.

   "At first, life was normal. I just had mom-" They suddenly tensed at her name. "She was caring, sweet, she did anything and everything in her power to keep me safe and give me the things I wanted and needed." I said, moving my gaze towards the ground now.

   "When I turned 9, it all sort of changed. She started staying past her work hours. Her excuse was that she needed the money. But of course that was a lie, we had tons of money saved up if we needed it. She started coming home at 2 or 3 in the morning. Most the time it was only a few times a week but it started happening to where she was gone everyday." I said, clasping my hands together.

   "So there I was, a clueless 9 year old girl that had to grow up and start taking care of herself. I had learned how to cook, do the dishes, clean up the things I needed to clean, how to do the laundry, stuff like that." I felt their eyes on me.

   "When I turned 10, mom brought in a guy I was told to call sir. His real name was John. That's kind of when everything started changing. Mom's attitude completely changed towards me. She started ignoring me. She even moved in with John for a few months. Leaving poor little 10 year old Kinsley by herself once again." I scoffed then looked up, seeing all sorts of emotions.

"I was forced to move into John's house which I wouldn't even call a house. I mean, sure it had a roof and two stories but it wasn't a home for me. That's when the worst of the worst started happening." I paused, taking a breath.

Matteo rubbed those soothing circles on my back. "They started saying mean things towards me. Stuff that a 10 year old would obviously believe because what would I believe? They then made rules. I was basically their servant. I was to wake up at 5 every morning and make breakfast. The first time I had done that, I obviously had no idea what I was doing so it was horrible. I guess thats when they decided to take if a step forward. That's when they started hitting me. They called it a punishment for not doing what they wanted the way they wanted it done." I paused again.

"When I turned 11, there was another big jump. I remember my 11th birthday crystal clear. My 11th birthday was when the beatings actually started. It started out with just John doing the things to me." I stopped, collecting my thoughts. "What exactly did they do?" Roman asked. I was kind of shocked at his question, he didn't ever talk to me.

I nodded, "Like I said, it started off with the basic hitting, then it went to the actual beatings. So the punching, kicking, stuff like that. Then it went to the burnings. Those were the worst. Mom kind of just sat there and watched. She knew she was in to deep so she didn't try to stop it. You could see in her eyes that she didn't want any of it to happen but she didn't make any action to stop. After the burning, he started cutting me and stuff. I don't want to get into those details. Other than that's when mom started joining in." Matteo took his hand off my back, balling his hands into fists.

I looked back up. Andrea had tears in his eyes while he looked down at me. Roman looked like he could kill somebody, Rodrigo looked annoyed. Daniel was sobbing. Dad had zero emotions at all, you could tell he was extremely angry though.

"John was apart of some drug dealing business. At first he kept that a secret but after a while he didn't care to tell anyone after that. He started leaving his supplies out on the table or on the couch." Matteo looked over at me, almost as if he knew exactly what I was going to say next.

"When I was 12 I took some of it. Of course I had no idea what it was, I only saw John do it some nights. So I took it to my room, doing the exact thing he did. I was 12 when I started taking cocaine. After the first time I did it, I hated it. I told myself never again would I take that stuff. But that was a lie. I did it a few more times that day." I started crying.

"I was 13 when I realized I was heavily addicted. John didn't really have any clue that I took it from him, but he shortly realized it was me. He told me I owed him a few grand. Where was a 13 year old going to find a few grand? I told him I wouldn't be able to pay him back at all. He had his way of me paying me back." I paused, clearing some of the tears.

Suddenly there was a glass of water sitting in front of me, "Take a second." Matteo said. I nodded, taking the glass.

"One night, I was sleeping in 'my room' when I was woken up. There were three guys including John. That's when I realized what he met by paying him back. That's when I was raped."

"Mother fucker."
"No way."
"I'm so sorry."
"Jesus, what the fuck."

I looked around at the boy's. Roman stood up and left the room. I took a breath then continued. "After I was raped, I decided I didn't ever want to look or take what he had in those bags again. Of course it was extremely hard to get better, and i'm still not. I still want to do those thing's sometimes but of course I don't."

"The rest of my year's there, it was all kind of a repeat i guess. I don't know i'm just so so happy I got out of there." I said, drying the tears once again.

"And you won't ever have to go through any of that ever again. I can promise you that." Matteo said, wrapping his arms around me. "You are so so strong sorella. The strongest person I know." Andrea said beside me.

   I looked over at him, flashing him a sad smile. "And don't think just because I told all of you this that you can treat me differently. Like i'm a piece of glass ready to break at any given time." I said looking around.

   "No ma'am." The boys said in unison. "I've never heard or seen them be like this towards anyone. You have a way towards their hearts." Dad said, looking around at his boys.

   I laughed a little then yawned. "Come on. Let's get you to bed, you have a long day tomorrow." He said, dragging me towards the stairs. "Goodnight guys."  "Goodnight." They said together.

   As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out.

Goodnight.

________________________________

I didn't talk much, but addiction is real. Addiction is an everyday struggle for people like you and me.

If you ever need help, please please please reach out. Even if it's for something not related to addiction.

with much love- k