Existence

43.

U N K N O W N P O V

   'When death takes my hand, I will hold you with the other and promise to find you in every life.' 

A I D E N ' S     P O V

(cousin)

   How does one go on and live their life knowing they won't ever get to see someone they live ever again? Sometimes it surprises me the fact that half of the men in this family couldn't give a single fuck about Kinsley's disappearance.

   For me, my worlds black and blue. I haven't thought about anything other than her. We may have not talked much at all, but she was still my sister. I could tell her anything and I wouldn't have to worry about her telling anyone.

   Night's when I can't fall asleep, I debate whether or not I should go out and look for her. Sometimes I wonder why Matteo hasn't checked her stupid fucking location.

   I can't help but blame myself for this. I should have been there. Matteo should have sent more men over there to surround. Maybe this wouldn't have happened. We're all trying to be positive but it's really difficult. I see some of the family struggling way more then others. Like Matteo, hell even Luca.

   I roll over on the bed, another night of zero sleep. I sighed, getting up from the bed and walking out the door. I knocked on the door next to mine, a couple of seconds go by and I hear a faint "come in."

   Caiden, my twin, has always seemed to help me whenever I need someone to talk to. "What's up." He asked placing his phone on his chest. "Can't sleep." I said, jumping on the bed.

   "You haven't slept very well, you sure you're doing alright?" He asked, a concerned look overcomes his face. I shake my head, "I never said I was ok in the first place."   "Fair enough."
  
   I sighed, "I can't help but think that I should be out there, looking for her." I finally spoke. Caiden nodded. "I feel the same way. Part of me wishes I would have stayed in the house with them, maybe something would be different." He said as I nod. "Same for me."

   "You know" I pause, sitting up in the bed. "It really baffles me how they are so calm about this whole matter." I said, looking at the ceiling. "Who's they?" Caiden asked.

   "Everyone. They get the news that shes gone and it's just like time is stopped or frozen because nobodies worried. Nobody is making any moves. We've been sitting here, waiting, seeing if something is going to happen. When I wake up in the morning, I get excited, thinking 'hmm maybe today is the day we get to find my sister.' But it's never that day." I closed my eyes, pulling the hood of my sweatshirt further down.

   "They're scared, Aiden. They don't have a plan because they can't think straight enough to make one." Caiden said softly, looking over at me. "And I get that, I do, but this has happened to us before, and it went on for 13 years. What if this happens again and we don't see her for 25 years this time?"

   "It won't be 25 yea-" "Look, I'm just tired of waiting." I cut him off. "Someone just needs to make the first move, the first step, Nd maybe then we will be able to get together and find her." I got up from the bed, suddenly annoyed with my brother. Seems to me he's just like everyone else right now. Not worried about anything. I can't play the slow game, it kills me so much.

   I opened the door, expecting to walk straight to my room. Instead I run into something, rather someone. I look up from the ground to see Luca, staring at me with glossy eyes.

   My confused expression quickly changed to worry. "Fratello, What's wrong?" I asked him, searching his face. "She's fucking gone. Nobody is helping. I feel like the biggest failure for letting her just disappear." He spoke urgently.

   "None of this is your fault. Nobody could have known this was going to happen." Luca shook his head.

"Except some of us do know."

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Shorter one for you today.

Thought this was a good place to end.

I hope you're all doing well and having an amazing night.

<3- K