Fezco // Safe Space (𝔼𝕦𝕡𝕙𝕠𝕣𝕚𝕒)

Chapter 27

Sofia's POV

"I miss you more" I whispered to Fez, careful not to let Devin hear me. I was standing on the balcony, looking at the view outside on the phone with Fez while Devin slept. It's late at night and the breeze feels amazing, it almost makes me want to go for a nightly swim to clear my head. So, I did.

Once Fez and I got off the phone, I changed into one of my bathing suits and grabbed some cherry rolling papers from my bag. I rolled up a joint with the small amount of weed I had packed for myself, the only weed I had left from Fez. I sparked it up after stepping into the water, finally feeling at peace. 

I've only been here for a day, but I can say so far that it's not bad at all. I know that Fez would want me to enjoy myself, but I can't help feeling guilty for spending time like this with another man, regardless of not actually being with him every 5 seconds. I'm still here. With Devin. It should be Fez, I thought to myself. Maybe one day.

I finished smoking and continued relaxing in the pool, looking up at the sky. Maybe coming out here wasn't such a bad idea.

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Day 3 of being out here with Devin, and 4 more days to go. All I could think about was Fezco. Being away from him gave me time to process how I truly feel about him. How undeniably attracted I am to him.

It would explain the butterflies I get every time we kiss, or the way I fantasized about him when Devin was fucking me. In the car parked up in the McDonald's parking lot.

Or even last night, when Devin got me super drunk and railed me over the balcony. I looked down into the reflection of the pool and pretended that it was Fez behind me, grabbing my hips and grinding into me.

Fez was the core of my fantasy, and the one person my heart truly desired. It took me 3 days being away from home to realize just how much I missed it, and how bad I wanted Fez to fuck me for the first time when I came back.

But for these 3 days, I haven't contacted him. The last time he heard from me was our phone call on the balcony, my first night out here. I didn't text, call, leave any voicemails or do anything but think about him. I wonder if he knows that I'm thinking about him? People aren't mind readers, I know that much. But maybe he can feel my energy or something.

Devin had a new 'no phone' rule, where he would put my phone and his phone in a drawer while we enjoyed our daily activities. Sounds controlling, right? I won't lie, this was the main reason I haven't contacted Fez. I actually blocked his number for the time being just in case Devin caught on to anything. But I knew I'd see him again, so I wasn't complaining. This trip wasn't forever. Plus, it was kind of nice. Devin and I were actually getting along.

We could have been getting along this entire relationship if it wasn't for communication issues and the fact that he was a raging narcissist who was extremely inconsiderate, sexist, and violent. But uh... ya know. 

"Dress nice for tonight. I'm taking you out to dinner" Devin says, walking past me and squeezing my ass. Laying up with him and being touched by him still made me feel disgusting, despite his efforts to make things right. I wouldn't tell him to stop, because as usual, I was afraid of his reactions. 

Even having sex with him last night felt wrong, it only made me think about Fez more. I would beat myself up over the little things, like when he would touch me, I would think to myself, how would Fez feel if he saw me let another man touch me this way? Especially after telling him that I only wanted him.

What drove me even more nuts was the fact that Fez probably knew all of these things and little moments I shared with Devin were bound to happen the second I told him we were going on a vacation. But he still chooses to fight for me.

I decided to wear something classy, and sexy, of course. Dressing up for Devin tonight didn't seem as much of a chore as it usually did before. I actually looked forward to looking nice tonight and experiencing a new place to eat. Not for him, but for me. This entire vacation so far has been spent enjoying the moments I have to myself and simply dealing with the moments we spent together.

Tanning alone, smoking alone in the pool, drinking on the balcony alone and getting ready to go somewhere nice were all of the things I enjoyed. After slipping into my clothes and doing my makeup, I began straightening my hair. The sun was setting and it was almost time to get going.

Moments later, I heard Devin start the car and knew that it was time.

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"What do you mean you won't marry me?" Devin said, squinting his eyes at me. Okay, I can explain. He thinks that taking me to some fancy dinner with lobsters and flowers and spoiling me throughout our entire vacation means that this would be the appropriate time to propose to me, a 17 year old girl in her senior year of high school. Not to mention the fact that we haven't even got back together yet.

I was very careful with my words, not wanting to upset him or make him think that his effort was unappreciated. "Devin, look, I'm not saying no forever, but just hear me out" I explain calmly to him. Thankfully, he waited until dinner was over and proposed to me in an exclusive area on the balcony where nobody could see us.

If this wasn't in public, I don't know how this would have went down. But luckily, we weren't in public. I felt less pressured. Good thing I told him that I always wanted a private proposal.

"I am 17 years old... I haven't even finished highschool-" Who cares, Sofi? That doesn't have to come between us," he said to me. Ew. "I can pay for your schooling, I'll do whatever it takes" he offers. "I want to marry you" I lie to him. "But Devin, we haven't even gotten back together yet or began to have that conversation... you cannot rush me into this type of thing. You already rushed me into this vacation, this is something entirely different. You understand that?" I ask him.

"I understand but... I bought you this ring already" he explains. "And you said yet... Does that mean you were already planning on taking me back?" he asks.

"Keep the ring. Propose to me at a later point in our relationship, and I will say yes" I lie to him, trying to avoid this as easily as possible. "I just want to graduate high school FIRST and do things the right way at my own pace... I have a certain way I want my life to play out, Devin. This doesn't mean you won't be apart of it" I explain softly to him.

Although the look on his face drops, I still catch a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"Sofia, we should at least get back together. I mean I did all this for-" "I agree. I totally agree" I reassure him, taking his hands. Fuck, what am I doing? I have to give him something. I can't just reject his proposal AND his attempt to win me back as his girlfriend. At this point, with all the money he's spent, that would just be disrespectful.

Not only that, but he would get really angry. I want to enjoy the rest of this trip without being yelled at and abused. "Lets just... save marriage for a little later, alright?" I say, hoping to make him drop the subject.

"Alright" he shrugs, leaning in for a quick kiss. That reaction was... surprisingly normal. "It's all good. At least I got my baby back" he says, pulling me closer and putting his arm around me. I sigh silently, knowing I didn't make the right decision. I'm not ready to take him back... I still needed more time. I have feelings for a completely different person back at home.

But I've already made up my mind. I am officially his girlfriend. 

But that didn't stop me from being with Fez before, so why would it stop me now?

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𝕟𝕖𝕩𝕥 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣