Keep Dreaming Up Ways to Survive

Chapter 17

Felix left his science class and entered the hall, he usually was greeted by Dawson, but he was nowhere to be found.
"Hm, how dumb am I? Why would he want to be with me after how I acted yesterday? I wouldn't want to be near me either." Felix mumbled to himself.
He lingered behind everyone on purpose, just to see if Dawson was running a little late. In the end, Felix just went to class because Dawson was not coming.
As Felix sat down in History, he felt his chest tighten and his body becoming heavy. He could feel the depression coming back up and pulling his body back down. Half his brain thought how he might have lost the only friend he has ever had, and the other half is saying how it was a one-time occurrence.
"Why would Dawson not come? Did something happen? He does have other friends; he was probably hanging out with them. But me and him have to talk about the monster, he doesn't have time to talk to other friends. Does he even consider me a friend? Of course, he does! He does so much for me! Then why wasn't he here? He leaves class early for me every day, but now he just randomly stopped? It's all because of what I said. How I acted. Why would I do that? Why would he do that? That gross thing. To my neck. To a guy." Felix thought as he scratched at his neck, making it red and sore.
Felix looked up from his desk to see class was over in just a couple of more minutes. He seemed to overthink himself through the course, which was great news for Felix. Exactly when the bell rang, Felix was out of the class. Running through the door, he ran into somebody, and he immediately said, "Daws- oh s-sorry Ms. Ann, I- I didn't see you...."
            "It's ok Felix, I wasn't looking either." Ms. Ann said, helping Felix off the ground. "Well, this is my break, so I'll be going now."
"Ok..." Felix said quietly.
Looking around the now packed halls, Felix saw no Dawson. He walked to his next class and sat in the back instead of his typical "right next to the teacher's desk" front seat. Felix was in so much pain, but it wasn't physical, not something you could just go to the nurse for. It was on the inside; deep inside of him, the pain grew. Felix only knew one way of making that pain stop. He reached down to his bag and got out his pencil sharpener. He took the razor out and did it; once he saw that tiny drop of blood hit the ground. The weight on his shoulders lifted, just a little bit, but lifted. And all he could think about was, "How could such a minor thing cause this?"