Something I can handle

The rest of the summer

So i thought I was gonna spend the rest of my summer crying ....
but then I woke up ... I realized that what he said was wrong ... what he did was wrong ... that I was gonna be ok ...
but for some reason no matter how much anger I could conjure up , half of my heart still loved him , still craved him, still wanted to be with him .... but again being the tomboy I was ... I bottled those feelings and let my anger over take me ...
if I wasn't hanging out with my friends, my anger swelled because I was alone and not distracted and everything came boiling up my mixed confused emotions ... I would spend hours in my room punching walls and boards , crying into my pillows with anger ...

if I found any old doodles of his name or secret codes they were instantly shredded .... I was angry no doubt ... but come the late hours of the night when no one else was awake ... I'd lay in bed and cry my eyes out yelling out to God asking why it hurt so bad ... why he would let me get into something so awful ... because I didn't want to except that God has given me multiple times to come clean to my parents and get out of the relationship before it was bad but I wouldn't take them .

My sheets had tear puddles ...
My favorite pillow was stained with mascara smears .

But I would wake up every morning and put on my award winning " I'm so over it " smile ... I had everyone convinced I was over him ... I was happy .
Except my best friend of course .
I'd try those lame lines of I'm totally fine , I don't even think about it anymore .. but she never fell for it .... she saw right through my smile ... through my walls that were slowly getting thicker ... through the glass bottle I tightly stuffed my feeling into ... she saw the pain .. but because she loved me she would leave it alone .

Well come time to get ready for school I decided my tenth grade year to give real high school a shot .
I had done ninth grade year online .

I decided to attend the same high school my favorite cousin did ..... and so did his best friend .... who was my ex ... who used to also be my best friend ....

I knew he attended school there but I told myself that it's such a big school the chances of us running into eachother were slim and that he hadn't see me in person in three years ... pictures were different ... and it had been a while almost a month ... he wouldn't recognize me I had died my hair these crazy colors ... and I would wear as much clothing as possible to blend into the crowd .

There was no way possible we would even make eye contact with eachother .

Again .... I didn't know how wrong I was .

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Hope you guys are enjoying this if so don't hesitate to share with your friends .

Lord please keep me safe tonight as I sleep , allow me to be peaceful  and relaxed .
May you protect my family as we lay in our beds allowing us to wake up in the morning with another day to glorify you .

Amen ,

Aly