Something I can handle

The first library trip

Soooo where was I ...

The first after school library
So here I am , me and my friend studying at the library ... half of what I told my mother I was doing .... my friend knew everything I had caught her up on what was happening . I was shaking , he hasn't shown up ..... I don't understand what it is about D that makes me do this ... I have always been such a rule follower always so afraid of what goin against my parents rules would do . So for me this is a rush of nerves and excitement.
What if I get caught ?
What if my mom calls right as we are talking ?
What if my cousin tells her we were supposed to talk?
What if I'm worrying about all this for nothing ?
What if I'm putting my a** on the line only for him to stand me up ?

Right as I'm worrying about all this he walks through the door .

I thought that once I saw him I'd be fine , that all this would seem like I'm doing it for a good reason like maybe he would calm my nerves .

At the time I had managed to convince myself that it wasn't him that still made me feel uneasy that it was just in my head .
"Hi..." he gave off that grin again.
I had to grab the table to keep myself from stumbling .

"Hi D ... this is my friend we have last period together ." I motioned over to her .

She shook his hand and smiled .

We all took a seat .

Yep... ready to study .
Get our study on !
Yuuuupppppp
I try so hard to focus on my book but instead I steal a glance at his features again .
I could look at him and even through all my "love" for him . I could see he wasn't the most attractive person .
Where most of us had laugh lines and soft faces .
He had such a stern turnt aged face .
But his smile was sooooo nice then his voice too and his eyes I enjoyed their deep brown color that matched his skin perfectly .
When he looked at me they didn't soften or sparkle they were just as hard and stern like the rest of his face .

He coughed I blink and realize I had completely zoned and not realized he was now staring directly back at me .

" Ally, if you'd like we don't have to study we could just hang out and talk , since you can't seem to focus anyway?" He raised his brow.

Talk ?!? What am I supposed to say ... no no no I can't talk I'll make a fool out of myself .
God like I'm doing right now still starting mouth gaped open not saying a word ! Speak you doofus !

" oh ummm no no no it's fine ... studying works better ... just uh ... medicine wearing off I guess . " I shrug my shoulders and quickly turn back to my book. (I have ADHD and take medicine to help me study but it wears off come the end of the day)

I get a text from my friend .

: just tell him already !
: tell him what exactly ?
: that you still like him ,come on y'all look so cute sitting next to eachother !
: are you out of your mind ! I can't tell him    that !
: and why not ?
: because ... well I don't know just because
: tell him or I will
: stop playin my matchmaker
: then you stop trying to resist the connection between you two.
I slam my phone closed and shoot her daggers with my eyes from a crossed the table .

Not too long after we walk out of the library .
Me and D are trying to make small talk but we are both pretty awkward about it .

Just as I was about to make up some excuse as to why me and my friend have to bolt , she blurts out .

" ally has something she needs to say to you and I'll be d*mned if I let you both walk away without it being said today." She finished with the outstretched of her foot and starts tapping it impatiently .