Something I can handle

So on

Every day since that first library trip the lies to my mother got bigger ... She knew I like volleyball so I told her I was trying out for the team or that a teacher needed me after school for some help anything that was believable was what I said ....

Well on this particular trip to the library he was acting weird ...

So I smiled at him and asked what he was thinking about .

He looked over at me and said kiss me .

I started to panic !

My first kiss

And I knew I shouldn't do it but I wanted to so bad .

No . I said

He looked at me confused . Why not ?

Because I've never kissed before and I was gonna wait till my wedding day for my first kiss .

( you see here is where a decent guy would say of course I understand those are your morals and I respect that )

But not him

He kept asking me why not and really why and if I loved him I'd kiss him it won't go to far ( ladies if he uses the line if you love me you'd do this ... Than he isn't in love with you and he deffinetly isn't in love with God because if he was he wouldn't have suggested it one and two he would respect you and what you want . )

So finally I gave in .

He pulled my face to his .

Our lips were touching .
Embedding each other .

My whole face lit up with this bright red color , I could feel it .

He wrapped his arms around my waist and I wrapped my arms around his neck .

The only thing that threw me off was ... Yes , I could feel the lustfulness ... Because I was younger and hormonal , I was pushing God away and slowly opening my arms to embrace this new rebellious world . 

BUT , I didn't feel the spark ... You know that feeling where you know right then and there you would never forget this ... You'd never forget the way your lips sat on each other's ... Where when you close your eyes all you see is fireworks ... My mother and father have been married for 18 years and still haven't lost that spark ... That was what I wanted ... That's what I wanted to feel with him .

I mean what girl doesn't want to feel that spark with the boy they love .

But it wasn't there .

To this day I can't remember a thing about my first kiss I just know it happened .

And that's not what I wanted .

I left him that day feeling conflicted ... I was happy I got my first kiss but really disappointed that it wasn't what I wanted .

.....................:.......................................................

I hope everyone is getting something from this book . Sorry I've had a lot going on lately .