Something I can handle

Trouble is brewing

Day after day we reached a new height in rebellion .

First the lies , than the stiff arming God
Now we were sending messages about things we shouldn't be talking about .

We are all mature here so I'm gonna get down to the nitty gritty .

When we first started talking again
It was sweet things like how much we missed each other or how we wish we never fought .

But now we were talking bout what we would do to each other. If we were together in person in that moment .

I remember the first conversation that went to that point .

It was 1 am and he called me .

" hey baby girl ." I could hear his smile . One of those flirtatious grins .

" hey boo ." I smiled this goofy grin he knew I loved it when he called me baby girl made me almost speechless.

" so I was sitting here thinking about you and was wondering , what would we do if you were siting in my room right now ?"

I giggled ," hmmm I don't know , what do you think we would do ?"

He laughed ," mmm well I'd probably give you one of my t-shirts to wear then I would sit your cute little ass in my lap while we made out ."

I got this feeling in my stomach like wow that sounds enjoyable but I know I shouldn't do it but God the rush of the feeling of knowing I shouldn't do it was so much more exciting .

" hmmm that sounds so good to me ." I said biting my lip .

..........

Sorry Carrying on ( because that part of my past just really haunts me . ) lets just say the conversation didn't get to graphic but it didn't get any cleaner .

The next day at school I went by his locker before third period .

I was leaning there waiting for him

When he came up the stairs . He didn't smile at me nothing he just looked at me and came up to his locker .

" hey babe ." I said

"Sup." He replied.

I went to go wrap my arms around his neck but he swerved around me . I got kinda embarrassed because there were tons of other kids and a couple of them caught that moment .

" hey what was that for ?" I snarled

" this isn't the time or place we are in public ."

I was flabbergasted I looked around and saw tons of other adorable couples holding hands or hugging eachother .

The way he would treat me after school when we were behind the library all alone .

At the time it didn't click with me on how odd that was.

" well why not ?" I tried not to sound hurt

Whispering like he had something to hide ," listen tippytoes ( he called me this all the time because I'm so short I have to stand on my tippytoes for everything ) this isn't the place I just don't want you to get in trouble with the pda officers then your mom ask why . After school you can love on me all you want ok ."

It made sense at the time he was just being a good boyfriend and looking out for me .

Little did I know that wasn't the case

That day after school I saw he had his arm wrapped around the shoulders of another girl when he saw I caught him he slowly removed his arm stopped place said something to the girl she left and he finished walking up to me .

"Hey babe " he said

"Hi ?" I said questioningly wondering if he was really gonna pretend that didn't just happen

He heavy sighed " baby it's not what your thinking you know I wouldn't do that to you , remember I want a future with you a future with us . Why would I do that ?" Then his face turned to anger " in fact why am I explaining myself to you , you should know better than to think I'd do that unless you don't have faith in me "

I instantly started apologizing
" no baby no no no of course I trust you I'm just being silly , you know my insecurities and my paranoia , you know I'm crazy . " as tears fill my eyes because once again it didn't make sense why I was apologizing but I was so blinded by my love for him that I didn't realize that this is mental abuse .

The fact that everything that happened I apologized for , because my unhealthy obsession with him . I didn't want him to leave me and he threatened me with that all the time .
He one minute would tell me I wasn't good enough but then the next minute he was yelling at me for telling him how I'm not good enough .

He forgave me and we walked to our spot we sat down and he held me and kissed my cheek and whispered sweet things in my ear .

I started thinking about how much I love him yet I had this sting in my heart and it bothered me so I'd push it away .

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Sorry I haven't updated lately but I've just been going through some stuff

But I'm doing good for awhile and hopefully I can finish this book soon