Fortuitously

Chapter 18

I've always found men to be excruciatingly exhausting. Though that feeling may be more directed towards a tall, long haired, brooding man with an ego bigger than his dick.

No man's ego should be bigger than his dick.

Yet, I find myself here, in the midst of romantic drama with the very man that exhausts me. And what's even more frustrating is I can't even allow myself to feel better by blaming it on him.

I was the one to finish it. I caused the last bit of pain. For the both of us.

I'll acknowledge that he hurt me first. He put me through hell. Whether he meant to or not-- he did.

I thought pushing him out of my life was what I wanted. It was true what I said, I didn't need him for sex. But before any of this he was my friend. A friend I cared for dearly and a friend who was there for me through everything.

Through the family drama, the fights with Draco, and the struggles with school he stood beside me. So for fucks sake... I miss him.

"Remus?" I grab his attention as we walk through the enchanted forest.

"Y/n?"

"I..." I find it hard to find-- or rather admit the words that would show I care. "I hurt, Severus."

Remus is quick to furrow his brows. "How so?"

"I said something... Something I really didn't fucking mean." I feel my stomach begin to turn with guilt.

"What did you say?"

"It doesn't matter." I sigh, not wanting to share everything.

"Okay..."

"It was just so stupid!" I drop my head. "I was scared because he hurt me and I didn't trust he wouldn't do it again. And I was glad I did it, because maybe somehow that would protect the both of us-- But fuck. I miss him. And I never thought I'd miss him. He's the worst! He's a smartass and he rolls his eyes at my jokes--"

"I roll my eyes at your jokes." He interrupts.

"And all he does is brood. He only ever gives me a hard time with everything. I don't understand why I feel this way."

"Y/n. I think you know." He stops walking and stares into my eyes. "And I think he should know."

"But what if I don't want him to know?" The fear within my eyes is clear.

"Well then that's your choice. But you'll never accomplish anything if you keep your thoughts locked away in that head of yours."

I sit in Potions watching Severus from a distance. He's still very cold towards me in a subtle way where no one else would notice despite my attempts at being kind. But of course, I notice. I'm even attempting to push myself to not care as much.

He glides through the classroom watching everyone as they work. Not once since our argument has he looked at me. I'm still attempting to decide whether or not to ignore him back. But I'm sure I've hurt him enough by now.

Or maybe I haven't even touched the surface considering what he's put me through. But that's not exactly the point here. Just because he was acting like a child doesn't mean I should too.

When he finally settles himself back at his desk, I slide my chair over closer to him. He keeps his attention pointed to the students as I speak up. "Professor, I'm confused about these assignments I've been grading."

"If you can't handle the simplest of tasks then maybe you should find a new instructor to study under." There's no emotion within his voice. No sign of hurt, anger, disgust.

"I'm here because I want to be, Professor. My interests lie with potions." I frown. He knows this.

"Then maybe you should find a new interest. I see no future for you in potions." He keeps his eyes off of me.

"I've worked my ass off to be here." I become quickly defensive, raising my voice, but so much for the rest of the class to hear. "I'm not just going to give it up because of an argument I had with you."

Look at me.

"Frankly, Miss Moon, I can't stand the sight of you and the time you've spent working to be here did you no favors. I have a meeting during lunch to discuss it further with Professor Dumbledore and after that, I hope to stay as far away from you as possible."

Size of his ego: |           |

Size of his dick: |   |

(Size Not to Scale)

This is exactly the shit I was talking about.