My secret lives

Chapter 20

"Can you tell me what happened when you were there?" Atlas asks when we're both sitting comfortably.

I look at him for a few seconds before I answer him

"You don't want to know" I say while fidgeting with my hands.

"I do" he says.

"It's not...good" I tell him

He nods his head, "I guessed that already but I want to know, who knows maybe it'll help you by talking about it." He says.

I swallow deeply but nod my head, "what do you want to know?" I ask still slightly hesitant.

"Everything"

"Everything?" I say worry lacing my voice.

He nods his head again.

I take a small deep breath so I don't hurt my ribs more.

"I- euhm...I lived with mom for as long as I can remember. She wasn't really there when I was growing up....I don't know how to explain it"  I tell him.

"It's okay, just slowly explain the events that happened" he encourages me.

Again I nod my head, "so my mom wasn't really there when I grew up, I was alone most of the time and when she was there, she was high or with men so she could have some sort of income...I didn't eat a lot since there was never anything in the house so I stole food if I wanted to eat. Eventually John came over and he payed the bills and stuff but he-...he euhm he hurt me" I tell him while looking down at my hands.

He swallows hard and nods his head, "what did he do?" He asks me carefully.

"Beat me- use me" is the only thing I say as I make sure to avoid his gaze.

He draws in a deep breath, "did he-?" He asks unsure and I nod my head knowing what he is referring to as tears form in my eyes when thinking about it.

He raped me.

A lot.

He beat me a lot too.

He's conflicted in his emotions.

He's mad a John but so worried towards me.

"Oh god Ena" he says quietly before he pulls me into a hug.

I tense a little but slowly start to relax as I try not to cry.

When you talk about it, it makes everything real.

Everything that happened did in fact actually happen.

He hugs me close to him, his embrace is so loving so gentle, so undeserving.

"You can cry, I won't judge you for it" he says gently when he notices the tears I'm trying to hold at bay.

A small tear escapes my eyes but I quickly wipe it away, "I don't want to cry" I say softly as my voice breaks multiple times.

I feel him nod his head before he gently lies down on the bed, pulling me with him.

I'm cuddled into his side and we stay quiet for a few seconds until I start talking again.

"John killed mom" I whisper.

He tenses a little before relaxing again, "why?"

"Mom wanted more drugs, John didn't want to give her more money. It all happened so fast and eventually my mom was thrown into my room dead" I say as Atlas hugs me tighter.

"Mom was still there when the police officer came to the front door, they took her" I finish talking.

"I'm sorry that all happened to you, if we had just looked harder and more than- than all that traumatizing shit wouldn't have happened to you" he says frustrated with tears emerging in his eyes.

"Atlas no, I know you searched for me after mom took me. The police officers told me that you guys never gave up so don't start blaming yourself for things you can't control" I tell him.

He looks like he wants to object but eventually decides against it and just hugs me.

"so where'd you meet Ares?" He asks me after a while of silence and he catches on that I don't want to talk about John or anything that went on in that house anymore.

"In a store, he caught me stealing some food which he then payed for." I tell him.

It's true but that's not where I met Ares, I met him there. Ares I met later on when I was living with him for that short time.

"That was sweet of him" he says.

I nod my head agreeing, "it was"

Atlas and I continue talking for a few more hours until we eventually fall asleep in each other's arms.

———

It's the next morning when I wake up again.

For the first time in months have I actually slept a full night through.

It's weird, the only time when I was actually able to do that and without getting any nightmares was when I was living with him and Ares.

It's strange that Atlas has the same effects on my sleeping schedule/habits like they have.

I slowly get out of bed but first have to rips myself out of Atlas' hold.

When I finally get out though, I head to the bathroom.

I take a quick small shower while suppressing the urge to smoke some pot.

I get dressed and make sure that my hair covers the handprint on my neck before I walk out back the the bedroom.

Immediately I notice that Atlas is gone, probably to get ready for the day himself.

I make the bed very quickly before I start limping my way downstairs while using the crutches.

You know showering is really a pain in the ass when you have a cast on your leg that can't get wet.

It sucks.

I hurry to the dining room when a clock on the wall tells me I'm too late for breakfast.

The crutches hitting the floor makes an awful a lot of noise which draws the attention to me the second I walk in.

I sit down again on the same open seat, on the same place I've been sitting on for these past few days.

Everyone starts eating while Vincenzo starts talking to me, "Athena after breakfast you will come to my office for the rules understand" he demands the second I've put my crutches in the ground.