The Truth About Us (COMPLETED)

31

"Nessie."

She faltered at her steps when she heard my voice. Marahan akong lumapit sa kamya at tinatantiya kung maayos ba niya akong sasalubungin. I made sure to visit her at night than day just so she would not be starting the day with a bad morning.  I distance myself for a while pero hindi ko rin kinaya. Kailangan kong bumalik sa kanya kahit na isang sulyap lang.

Ganito pala ang nararamdaman ni Nessie dati. Wanting someone even if they are near but you cannot have them cause they'll do everything to distance themselves. I am already in Nessie's position and it hurts a lot.

I thought I was able to thaw her cold heart. I assume I am doing everything right until I bring up the past the last time we talk. She implied that the only connection I have with her is our daughter. 

And here I am. Doing a move my daughter doesn't know. Wala akong planong sumuko. Ang intensyon ko ay mabawi ang asawa ko. Fuck that I don't deserve her antics, I'm fucking selfish. Kung hindi man niya ako matanggap muli, masaya na ako sa magiging posisyon ko sa buhay niya. I have to be something more. I have to be her friend or anyone she can confide with. I have to earn a permanent position in her life that she cannot easily discard. I do not want her to see me just as her daughter's father.

But I have to use my daughter just to be close to her mother.

Lumingon muna siya sa paligid bago humakbang papalapit sa akin. Magkasalubong ang kilay niya at halatang inis kahit wala pa akong sinasabi. May tinatanim talaga siyang galit sa akin. Pinagkrus niya ang braso niya nang magkaharap na kami. "Bakit nandito ka na naman? If you'll just pester me, go home. If you want to do something fun, hindi ako ang dapat mong puntahan. Not everyone can control their time like you. I'm busy."

Nagpatuloy pa siya sa pagsasalita "It's Hansse."

Humina ang boses niya at natigil sa pagtatalak. The frown she has been exhibiting vanishes and concern filled her eyes. Guilt started to creep in my chest but I discarded it. I've already lied and used Hansse for my own personal gain. Kung aamin man ako na palusot ko lang ito para makausap lang siya, iiwas siya. Pero iniiwasan niya naman na ako ngayon pa lang kaya itutuloy ko na ito.

"Anong nangyari? Are you taking care of my daughter well?" She sat on the pavement and I copied her.

"Our daughter. I think we have a problem," I corrected. Hindi lang siya ang may ambag sa paggawa kay Hansse. "There's nothing wrong. I am just concern about Hansse. She's being aloof." Lie. Ginugulo niya ako palagi kung saan ako pumupunta kada  lampas na sa nakasanayang oras ang pag-uwi ko kahit na nakapark lang ako malapit sa bahay ng nanay niya. "I think she has a boyfriend." Another lie. I'll dirty my hands with blood before someone touches my bumblebee and before someone lays her eyes on her maliciously.

"Ah. Then we don't have any problem."

I scowled and I earned a laugh from her. Kumalma ako ng kaunti sa nakuhang reaksiyon sa ibinalita ko dahil tumawa siya dahil sa akin. "Bakit? It's normal for teens to discover!"

"Ayos lang sa'yo? Hindi mo paghihigpitan iyong anak mo?" Sa akin hindi. I know I made that excuse to talk to her but I never thought I never thought I'll be affected. Big deal sa akin na ayos lang sa kanya kahit na biro lang ito. We have to be on the same team and that has to be guarding her from wolves.

"Oo. It's fine with me."

"Not with me," I sternly said.

"Then there has to be more convincing for me to do just for you to agree." If convincing me consumes her hours to talk to me, I will want that. But if this will end up agreeing to her terms, no.

"Strict parents tend to have sneaky children as a result of guarding them to much. They are much eager to live with secrets than tell us what's bothering them. Ayokong magulat na lang tayo bigla sa mga balitang bibitawan nila at masaktan kung puwede namang maagapan iyon kung hindi sila takot. She can explore without harming herself or others, you know. Mas maganda kung mabantayan sila. And  if she ever has a lover, I want to know. I have to give her the talk and the do's and don'ts. We are her parents, nilalapitan niya dapat tayo sa mga bagay na ganito at hindi sinisikreto dahil sa takot." Mariin niya akong tinignan. Alam kong ako ang pinapatamaan niya.