Unspoken reality

Visitation

We walked up to the desk clark and asked for the room of Leslie Gotti. "Room 38d, down the hall to your left, make sure to keep the door shut at all times and the volumes down!" She said with an attitude. We walked down the hall and into the room, lee was sleeping so hayden sat down in a chair far away near the windows and got on her phone, probably writing a status on facebook. I sat next to lee's bed taking a closer look at her. Dont get me wrong she was beautiful and i loved her, hell i was in love with her still but i was beyond confused about my life and the situation right now. I leaned over her, kissed her cheek and she slowly started moving her head waking up.
"What are you doing here?" Her voice was all raspy, you could tell she was on medication, must of been for the pain.
"I came to see you, i figured we could talk about lastnight, or even talk about us, because like i feel as though i dont know where we stand." I said with a straight face.
"I dont remember much, i remember turning up, way up, i seen jay and my bro and then i woke up here, i dont know. Obviously you were at the party, and i know you told me you was with ya hoe friend hayden at home so you lied and im pissed off you tried to be sneaky!" She yelled, making her wince in pain.
"This hoe friend is sitting right here and let me tell you something we told you we was at home and then went to the party because at the end of the day gg is a grown ass woman and she is allowed to do as she pleases. If she aint disrespecting you or cheating on you then there should be no problem, but i came here to support my friend and be with her, didnt even want to have to open my mouth and say two words to your dumb ass. SO ima go sit back down let yall do ya business so we can leave!" My mouth dropped open, i dont know if it was me but hayden was going threw a serious phase of i dont give a fuck! to be comming out her mouth the way she has been to everyone.
"Lee listen, please understand, i was having a fun night out and i dont know how last night went from 0 to 100 real quick but it did and i do apologize for what happened to you." A tear dropped from my eye and i texted jay.

ME - I dont know if i can do this, her and hayden just got into it and im not sure what else to do or say. I have so much i wanna get out.
Jenia - ok baby relax, you went there for you not for her and hayden, speak your mind and get what you need out. If you want to work on things with her tell her, if not tell her, last night was not your fault!
Me - she said she doesnt remember much from last night, but i apologized to her about everything from last night already.
Jenia - Babygirl it wasnt your fault, you cant let yourself blame everything that happens between youse on yourself. Your beautiful, you deserve better, and lee will never change, if shes gonna do anything itll make you think low of yourself and put you ina bad head space, switch shit on you. Dont let her do that please.
I put my phone back away and continued to look at lee while she talked.

"You came here to talk, so get to talking i dont feel like doing this. Whatever i said or did to everyone and you i meant it. So im guessing thats why i got shot.

My phone went off but i ignored it.

"You hit me badly, embarassed the hell out of me at that party, but you shot yourself trying to shoot at jay, clide tried to take the gun but it was to late."
"Why was i trying to fight to jay, thats my homegirl. Im so confused, i have so many questions and no answers."
I stayed for about an hour replaying last nights adventure. Laughs, tears, and anger were expressed threw me, lee and hayden. When all was said and done, i explained to lee how i really felt about our relationship and that we needed time apart, a break, or to be officially over i didnt want that but fuck what i wanted, it wasnt even because of jay or hayden, it was because of me! What i needed, and right about now i needed some me time.
She got pissed and cussed me out, acusing me of sleeping around and cheating and playing games with her. Saying all i ever did was lie, i was no good and basically everything jay said she would do but i had already knew were this conversation was headed before anyone could have predicted it. This was a three year relationship of repatition. I wasnt in the mood to argue or convince her otherwise when i knew there was nothing like that going on so i left it at that, said my goodbyes and left. When i got outside i looked at my phone. 4 missed calls from jay and three texts asking me if i was ok.
I decided to call her. She picked up on the second ring.
"Hey babe, sorry i blew up ya phone i got worried after you didnt text me back but i texted hayden and she already explained to me wassup. Can i come get you? I could tell she was smiling which only made me smile. This girl deffinitely knew how to change some ones day around.
"Of course, i would like that, haydens ready to go home but i dont wanna be alone so could you take us to her house?"
"Anything that you want gg."
"Thank you hun." And hung up.

Today felt like a long ass day and it was only 1:30 in the afternoon. My mind needed to be distracted. I needed a long ass vacation and for some reason deep in my thoughts i was positive that i was going to make positive changes in my life.