SOLACE (condensed version)

2008

JANUARY (This Place is a Prison - The Postal Service)

Andy's brother is calling me, he tells me I need to come over straight away.

I ask him if everything is okay, and he says it isn't – he's really worried about Andy and that I might be the only one who can help him. He's been beaten up again and now he's trashing his room and screaming.

I yell out to mum that I'm going for a run, and head straight to Andy's house.
Andy's brother lets me in, and I walk into Andy's room.

The room looks like a bomb has hit it and Andy has a black eye and dried blood trailing from his nose down to his chin.

He's stopped throwing everything he owns around his room, and is now sitting on his bed, a shell of a person.

I get him a glass of water and I dampen a tea towel. I clean the blood from his face, his knuckles. Then I notice blood dripping onto the bed, and realise his wrists and hips are covered in deep cuts. I clean those too and pull him so that his back is leaning against my chest, and I wrap my arms around him.

I text mum and tell her I ran into Kate and that she's invited me to stay the night. Then I toss my phone on the ground and stroke Andys hair in silence, waiting for him to return from the void he retreats to every now and then, when things are too hard.

"This world is a prison. This life is a fucking prison." he finally whispers shakily. I stay silent, still stroking his hair.

Neither of us speak for a few minutes.

"Stay with me?" he eventually asks.

"Of course."

"Promise?"

"I promise."
He moves, lying down on the bed and I lie beside him, so that we're face to face, sharing one pillow in his double bed. He closes his eyes as I continue stroking his hair until he drifts off to sleep, still frowning.

I stroke his hair, his face, the ridge between his eyebrows from his near-constant frowning.

I don't fall asleep until it has smoothed out, and I know he's in a peaceful, deep sleep.

FEBRUARY (Such Great Heights - The Postal Service)

We've snuck out to celebrate my birthday. Andy and I are both pretty drunk, courtesy of Andy's brothers ID and Big Ted.

We laugh again as we think of poor Big Ted, now a vessel of vodka and cigarettes.

We end up climbing onto the roof of the library. It's a huge, round, three level building and we have to pull ourselves through broken parts of the clear plastic roofing which covers the walkway to get to the first level. The second level has a downpipe that we can climb up, and the third level has a ladder, thankfully.

Once we're finally at the top, next to the flagpole, we light a cigarette and share some more vodka.

We're on top of the world up here, nothing can affect us when we're at such great heights. Andy carves our names into the base of the flagpole and then we lie on our backs and look up at the stars.

We stand up after a while, and spin in slow circles taking in the view. It's amazing. You can see the beach, the city, the park, everything.

The only world we've ever known is at our feet.

"Do you know what I think?" Andy asks me, passing me the vodka "From this distance, everything is so bloody perfect."

I crush him in a hug once I place the familiar words.
"You did read it! How fucking incredible is that book!?" I ask him.