The Great Pretenders

Chapter 15

Lucy's POV

I can't believe what happened between Matt and Brian.

Poor Brian...Poor poor Matt...

I knew I shoulda gone after Matt, but when Brian followed him out, I knew there would be an explosion a size of a nuclear bomb. He wouldn't want to talk until he cooled off.

When Brian walked back into the cafeteria in one piece, both Zoey and I sighed with relief. Brian proceeded to find the other guys and they took off toward the gym. I guess they were off somewhere 'talking' about it what he'd done. I wonder if he had told any of them besides Zacky. Probably Jimmy. Jimmy seemed like someone you could tell anything too.

Walking to class, I missed Matt more than I realized. He normally walked me to class since we started this little game, talking about the band or his class or some funny thing he'd seen or heard. I hoped he was okay.

I sighed as I reached my apartment building after school, thinking about how the last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of drama and confusion. How do things always get so complicated?

And that's when I saw him. Sitting on the steps in front of my building.

Head in hand. Looking sad and pathetic.

"Hey," I said as gently as I could, sitting next to him on the steps.

He turned to look at me. He looked near tears but he wasn't crying. I don't think I could have handled that.

"Did you love him?" he asked with no emotion as he kept his gaze at nothing.

It was an odd question for him to ask me. But at least he was talking.

"Yes," I plainly stated. I did love Mark, with all my heart...but now..

"Why?" he asked.

Why? Haven't I asked myself that question every day since we broke up. Did I ever think of a good answer? I guess the closest reason I'd come up with lately was that I didn't know any better. But I certainly didn't want to tell Matt that.

"What do you mean why?" I asked him.

"Why do you love him? What is it about him? How do you know that you love him?" he asked, never changing his expression.

Just answer his question, Lucy. Keep him talking.

I sighed and looked away from him and stared at the emptiness he was glaring at. "You just don't love a person because of one or two things they have done or are, or even what they have. You just love them. For them. And you really don't know why. Believe me, if they ever made a tonic to get over lost love, it will be sold out within minutes. I don't know why I loved him. I just know I did," I rambled on.

"Do you think he loved you?" he asked.

I thought about what I knew about Mark now...or what I had realized. I was never really myself. I was always trying to be what he wanted me to be.

"I think he tried." Was the best I could come up with.

"What if it was all a lie?" he said roughly. It felt he was talking more to himself, but I answered anyway.

"It could have been," I admitted.

"She lied to me. About everything. About how she felt." His voice was lifeless. "She never loved me."

"Maybe it was just that once. A mistake," I whispered, trying to be helpful.

"And?" he shot his head up.

"It didn't mean anything to her. If it did..." I trailed off feeling his pain in my heart.

"Yeah?" he asked me to continue.