Radio Alwan

-2- Tears of a man

-Hello..

-Hello sir, Wellcome to our program '' Stories & stories '' 

-Thank you, Ms. Leyla, I am very glad to hear your voice and have the chance to share my story.

-Of course, we are here to listen and not judge, what is your name, and what is your story?

-My name is...

This is how it works for the program, people call, mostly Arabs living in Turkey..or people having foreigners in their lives, venting to Leyla about the problems they face, asking for her advice, looking for a refuge in her soothing voice, and her comforting words...

Leyla is a simple woman as she describes herself, but she is everything but simple, she is the mixture of sensitivity and strength, beauty and oddness, and so much more framed in a small but strong body. She has the kind of eyes that makes a home for both happiness and sadness and when she smiles, you can almost forget about the sadness in them.  

-My name is Milad and I am Syrian. 

I came to Turkey three years ago. My life changed completely after the first bomb landed on my younger sister's school, it was on a Sunday so luckily no student was killed that day, but we were terrified.

His voice was trembling but he continued:

My sister cried the whole night because she loved her school and she was afraid of not seeing her teacher or friends again. 
We heard about the bombings in Haleb, in Damascus, and in other cities and we heard about the destroyed houses, schools, and hospitals but we did not feel it in our lives until that Sunday. The day my father was quieter than ever, probably thinking of a way to protect us. Two weeks passed after this incident and we carried on our lives, almost forgetting about the school bombing as the teachers carried on the lessons in their houses or in the mosque. But the rumors of Isis coming closer to our city were getting louder and louder. Older men were having long meetings at the local coffee shops, discussing the Syrian war, the escalating prices of flour and olive oil, the scarcity of sugar, medicine, and other necessities, and the possibility of leaving the city and seeking refuge in Lebanon or Turkey. Women always found ways to make life easier, cooking together and planning the weddings and the parties they will be having once the Arab spring is over. 

-Then came the worst day of my life.

-I...he gasps...I remember I heard a very explosive sound followed by the scream of my mother waking me up from a deep sleep, I rushed to the room looking for her but I found no room, no mother ..no one...only chalk and blood everywhere, I fainted for few hours until some neighbors came and took me outside.

Weeks passed before I came to my senses, I was living with an old friend of my father's in Hatay in Turkey, I can't tell you how I crossed the borders or when nor how it happened. the only thing I knew is that all my family members are dad and I was the one who was spared to suffer their absence. 

I lived with Abo Ahmad, not leaving the couch only to use the bathroom, eat or pray if It comes to my mind. I remember Abo Ahmad coming to my room every day, urging me to go out and sometimes hugging me crying, not sure whether for my despair or his own.

After a few months, I decided to leave the house and be useful, more of my shame and guilt of being a burden on the poor Abu Ahmad than of my willingness to live and I found a job as a construction worker, I tried to help Abo Ahmad and one work lead to another until I found myself here in İstanbul. Abo Ahmad grew very ill and I send him a monthly allowance to look after himself. I think if it wasn't for him, I would have no reason to live or to wake up in the morning. I lost my family, my land, my dignity, and I am here merely a refugee and some Turkish people see me as someone who doesn't deserve to live because he couldn't fight for the freedom of his country.

Milad stopped talking as if he was looking for the lost words in his mind.

Leyla's eyes were bloodshot, she lost the ability to blink while listening to Milad's story, not helping herself but wondering what happened exactly to Milad's family, or why Abo Ahmad came alone, but she refrained from asking because It was Milad's story, his version of the story at least, and she had no right to interrupt him and it can make him lose the ability to share his story. 

Milad sighed deeply then continued: Ms. Leyla, Last week I saw a girl, I think she is Syrian but I am not sure yet. I think of a way to talk to her, because the moment I saw her, Ms. Leyla, I felt everything at once, the loss, the pain, the longing for my land but I also felt hope, for the first time in three years. the hope of her noticing me one day, the hope of holding her hand and maybe feeling something other than despair and sadness. I even dream of having a family of my own and naming my children after my parents' names. His voice cracked and Leyla could almost hear his tears and hers didn't wait long before pouring from her eyes. 

Leyla tried to comment, but she knew that no word in her dictionary can describe what she just heard, or satisfy her audience. She just acknowledged Milad's great courage, firstly to live and survive and secondly to call the program and share his story and his vulnerability.  Then she asked the audience to pray for Milad's happiness and that he finds love and hope in the arms of the girl of his dreams. She knows like everyone else that love and hope are the cure in such cases.

The cue lights went red to announce the end of the first sequence of the program and the DJ - her dear friend Dina- put on a very old song of Fairouz's repertoire '' Zahrat Al MAdaen'. Fairouz is a Lebanese singer that can be heard in the coffee shops and souks from Syria to Morocco and you can listen to her angelic voice while sipping on your cup of mint tea, black tea, hibiscus, or coffee with cardamon.

The whole studio went silent and everyone was sharing shy looks and nodding as if telling each other something they already said before a thousand times. The whole staff was touched by the story but they had a program to follow.

Leyla asked the audience to be patient today, as she will not receive another call today, but she will rather tell them one of hers.

Dina looked up surprised and looked to Leyla with disbelief. She knows more than anyone how Leyla was very protective of her privacy. 

What song will go with this chapter of the program?  Let's see..