Radio Alwan

-3- Leyla and the beast

Hey everybody my name is Leyla and I will tell you my story today . She laughed more of panic than from amusement. Of course, they knew her name. What a cheesy way to start this. 

Her mind went racing as she wasn't fully aware of what she was doing, was she really going to break her most sacred rule? Will she be able to share her secrets with strangers? Can she consider her audience strangers? 

She always imagined that her reserved nature will be broken one day and exposed to one special person, but he did not come yet into her life, she was always hiding behind her books, her plans, and her daily routines. How will the story begin? the day she was born? the day she died? the day she took her first flight ever and landed in Istanbul, seeking freedom and adventure?

Hundreds of images, memories, scents and songs swirled in her head, causing a big tornado in her brain but she is not the presenter now, she is the storyteller. She took a deep breath and the Cue lights went green again. 

I have never met someone braver than Milad and I want to thank him because I feel inspired and encouraged to tell a small part of my story and share it with you. It wasn't prepared at all but maybe it is a way for me to thank you my dear audience for your loyalty to my program and to Radio Alwan for a whole year. 

I was born in a small city called Essaouira at the end of the 80s in a very modest family made of two teachers. I grew up reading the books of Khalil Jibran and Taher Benjelloun. I graduated at 22 years old from the university as a journalism major and I was lucky enough to find a job a few months after my graduation as a trainee in a very famous Moroccan newspaper. I remember my first day very clearly because it coincided with the capture of the former Libyan president Muammar Alkaddafi. It was a day that many suspected but also feared. I remember that I was very motivated to be a journalist that helps people find out about the truth and make a change in the Moroccan political domain. Especially in the second year of the Arab spring when the air smelled of freedom and change. 

I was quickly faced with the reality of the job because the editor was insisting on pushing me away from any political topic and kept asking me to write about beauty pageants competitions and editing the articles that were written by his son on the sports pages. I thought that I had my break when an old friend from the university asked me to join his digital newspaper. I resigned and joined him and I started to write about politics as I always dreamed of. It was very invigorating at first because there were many topics to write about. The Arab spring's outcomes in different countries and especially the civil war in Syria. After some months I understood that what was tasting like freedom in the Arab countries was merely a taste that faded as quickly as it came. 

I was naive enough to write a long article about a Moroccan minister that was monopolizing many sectors and took advantage of the protests that happened in Morocco in the first and second years of the Arab spring to tighten his claws and make huge profits. Soon after this article, our online magazine received many cyber-attacks and the police came to my house to investigate my 6 days vacation to Turkey and If I had any relations with Isis. My colleagues were receiving all kinds of harassment too. The last straw was when my younger sister was denied a job in the ministry of justice after her success in all the exams, because of the open investigation that was about me. 

I was too young to handle all this stress and I really began to reconsider if it was worth it. Because  6 months after publishing the article, our newspaper was closed permanently, we were unable to find jobs and even my sister was forced to work as a secretary until the investigation got closed for the lack of proof ( Of course). I felt like my life ended before it started so I decided to go to another country but I couldn't get a visa to any European country. So I came to Istanbul. 

I remember the first day I came here dear listeners, It was a few days after my 24th birthday when I landed in İstanbul, not sure why I came other than the fact that I have escaped from a life that was causing me to suffocate.

It was a mixture of excitement and anxiety. I remember looking up at the skyscrapers and feeling so small, I couldn't retain my heart, pounding hard like a bird moving his wings fiercely as he is about to burst free from his cage.

I felt proud, the moment when the cab driver left me in front of the hostel where I am supposed to stay for the next 30 days, which is the amount of time I thought was enough for me to explore the city, find a job, and perhaps a flat. I knew only one word in Turkish: Merhaba. Which means Hello, and It felt as the whole city was calling out to me: Merhaba Leyla.

The hotline was busy. The studio director kept making signs to Leyla asking her if she is able to receive any calls, she declines gently and continued.

- Yes, Merhaba Leyla is what İstanbul said to me that day. Of course, my story doesn't end here but I shared with you the reason that I came here. But the night is long and I want to hear another story. We will take another call after this song. 

The lights turned red again and Dina played Amr Diab's song: Tamali maak