Radio Alwan

-5-Wahran Wahran

Salamo Alaykum Leyla, my name is Maryam and I am from Algeria. I came here a year ago and I want to say that I am a loyal listener of Radio Alwan and especially your program. It helps me in my solitude here in Istanbul and here is my story. 

I am a 35 years old Neurosurgeon, I got married at the age of 28, while I was still doing my residency in Neurosurgery to the son of an old friend of my father. I was too busy working in the hospital and I was in my late twenties so I accepted his proposal and we got married six months later. He was very courteous and polite every time he visited us before the marriage so I started to feel attached to him. I wasn't very naive so we had a very serious talk before marriage and I wanted him to be aware of the responsibilities that I have as a doctor and that I can't be a traditional wife, because I have to spend some nights at the hospital and I have to study hard for at least another 7 years. So having kids depends greatly on his ability to support me emotionally and in sharing the responsibility at home. He seemed to be very understanding and even suggested taking cooking classes so he can cook for me on the nights I will be at the hospital and promised that he will do what he needs to do to support me. 

So we got married in the summer right after my 28th birthday, we went to a nice hotel for a week in Tunisia for our honeymoon and he was a gentleman in general but I started to catch him checking out other women at the hotel's pool and it bothered me but I thought that it was my imagination.

I had to resume my work two weeks after the honeymoon and I felt happy because I made my parents happy and they were less concerned about my '' Future''. The first 4 months of our marriage were very calm, he seemed to be nice and even cooked for me once as a surprise. I didn't feel that he loved me in a passionate way but I felt grateful that I have a decent man as a husband and estimated myself lucky. 

The problems started when I was preparing for a very important exam for my second year in residency and I had to spend whole nights in the university's library or the hospital. It started with silent treatment which left me very confused. Then he began to express his unhappiness verbally. It began by comparing me to his friends' wives and how it made him feel to have a wife that doesn't take care of his needs. I started to cook dinners and prepare his meals in advance and also iron his clothes but it was never enough. I hardly passed the exam but lost 15 kgs and looked much older than my age in less than two months. 

Things went back to normal as soon as my exams finished and I felt relieved because he was nice to me again and he even expressed his love for me. I regained weight and felt good again. Then I had other exams in June and I began to work more again so he became violent this time and he threw the dinner at me once because it wasn't salty enough. I was terrified and I did not understand what is happening. I was convinced that it was all my fault and that he is right because I am a bad wife. I failed the exams while losing weight again but this time my father came without calling because he had a feeling that something is not right. He found me crying and begging the husband to stop screaming at me so he took me home with him and I never went back to my husband. We divorced after 8 months because he refused to sign the papers. 

Dear Leyla, you may think that my story ends here but there is more. 

While I was healthy and happy again after going back to my parents' house and was focusing on my studies again. I began to feel the looks of some men were totally different towards me. I began to hear the word divorced mostly sticking to my name more than my profession. I overheard the nurses referring to me as the divorced doctor and the male doctors were either very friendly or totally avoiding me. So I decided to look for a new country to continue my residency and I came to Istanbul because I always loved this city. I am happier here and nobody asks me about my personal life in the hospital unless I let them too but at least I have the choice to let them know or not. 

I feel isolated because there are very few Arab doctors in the hospital where I work, but the head doctor of my department started to believe in me more and I feel hopeful. 

Thank you Leyla and thank you, Radio Alwan. Good evening. 

Leyla: That was the story of Maryam. A strong, very intelligent, and hardworking young woman who succeeded to leave an abusive man but found herself harassed by the whole society. This is very sad and it is the reason that many women stay in abusive relationships because they know that society will not show them any mercy. They will be called divorcees, easy women. they will be the target of men who look for a sexual adventure without consequences. They will be rejected by other women and especially married ones. This is a story from Algeria, but there are similar ones in Morocco, Tunisia, Egypt, and Lebanon. This is the story of all Arab women, who are judged by society from the moment they are born. We will share the link so you can hear Maryam's story again and I want to hear about your stories and your ideas about how we can make a change in how women are perceived in Arab societies. Thank you Maryam for sharing your story. Good evening and see you on Wednesday for a new episode of '' Stories & Stories ''. 

Dina played Cheb Khaled's song: Wahran Wahran.  

Leyla's phone was blinking: Ahmed is calling...