Radio Alwan

-9- Naked

Leyla woke up with a racing heart and cold drops of sweat making their way down her neck.

She needed some moments to see where she was, spotting the patterns of her room's wallpaper, she never felt so close to that wallpaper, it gave her the assurance that she is at her house, her sacred temple.

Her hands were still shaking but she cannot recall the dream that caused her to wake up in this state.

Since she was trying this new medication, Leyla was having vivid dreams that would dissipate in a few seconds of waking up.

She adjusted herself to lean on the bed head then tried to see if her phone is on. Two days passed since the last time she contacted the radio and let them know of her absence. She cannot remember how the time passed. Her screen shows dozens of calls and messages. She wanted to go back to bed again but she felt her stomach growling and decided to prepare herself a sandwich. 

She felt better after she took a shower. It is like she washed off the heaviness that was weighing her down these two last days. She took her phone and was ready to send back some messages and make some calls. 

...

Ahmad looked at his phone, wondering why Leyla did not pick up his calls or answer his messages, Leyla wasn't the kind of girl to respond immediately but he did not know if he should worry yet. He drank so much coffee and smoked so much that his stomach felt like can make a TV disappear in seconds in there. Dina was kind enough to let him know that Leyla is a bit sick but she didn't give him many details. 
He did not worry about her ignoring him but he was genuinely wondering whether she was okay.

Ahmed: Just tell me you are okay Leyla alright? Do you need anything? I don't want to be pushy but I am really worried. 

...

 Leyla felt a piercing pain in her heart when she read his message. She looked in her reflection in the oven, with her phone in one hand and half a sandwich in the other. She can hear it raining, and she doesn't know how to respond to him.

Leyla: Hi Ahmad. I am good don't worry. I hope you are okay and excuse for not responding earlier. Can we meet two or three hours from now?

The response came instantly.

A: Sure, same spot right?

L : Perfect

A : I missed you so much

L : Me too

...
Her better feature was her curly black thick hair, which granted her many compliments, but it did not help with her condition, how can she be ready and detangle these while she did not even want to wash her face...

She prepared herself dreadfully, Motivating herself by remembering Ahmad, the handsome man with honey brown eyes, she did not want him to see her like this...

...

She opened the door and leaned to pay the cab driver when she saw him..in the same spot.

He tried to stand up when he saw her approaching him, not sure whether to be happy or not to see her, sure they met for few times but he is not sure he can handle her breaking things with him, she is so ..so soothing to his soul, her voice, her smile, her woody perfume..and he knew that a very brave and strong woman was hidden under her soft appearance, she felt like home.

He feared her upcoming words and prayed silently.

Leyla asked him if he waited for too long, he denied it but she saw that the mud on his boots was already dry, He should have been here for an hour at least. She was sure that he did not deny it because of his pride, but to preserve her feelings. She doesn't know how but she just knew this.

He ordered a cappuccino for her while looking into her eyes to ask without words if it was what she wanted to drink. She blinked with both her eyes to confirm and they both locked eyes for some seconds. The waiter left and Ahmad was blushing, a very hard thing to see on a brown-skinned man.

She asked for a cigarette, which surprised Ahmad but made him proud, she needed something from him at last.

Leyla: Can you light it for me please? my hands are shaking a bit.

Her coffee came just in time to marry the first sip with the first puff.A much-needed glorious union.

Leyla hated smoking but found it very soothing in difficult situations. 

------

He wanted to ask her many questions. Are you okay? Do you need any help? Why do you seem so different? Are you going to leave me? 

He chose silence instead because he knew that she was trying to say something important. He felt his heart aching. 

----

L: Ahmad, I want to apologize for not picking up your calls, I hope that you did not worry much.

He wanted to protest but he stopped when he saw how she struggled to find the words and he knew that what she was going to say is important to her... His heart was sinking and wanted to protest but something about her just made him feel, helpless.

L: Ahmad, the truth is, I am sick. 

L:  You know why I wasn't picking up the phone these last two days? It is because I couldn't leave the bed. I suffer from depression and I am on a new medication that has few side effects. But the adjustment period can be hard. I know that you may have many questions and your feelings towards me may change. But I did not have another choice but to tell you because it is a part of me that is hard for me and for everyone in my life.

------

Ahmed did not know how to feel or to think. He was relieved that she did not say the words he feared and at the same time concerned about Leyla and their future together. He wanted to google it right away but he kept staring at her with his fingers clenched on the coffee mug, figuring out the right words to say...

The brief moment of silence made Leyla regret her words, but she is now in a stage of life when she knows that the truth is better to be said, as bitter as it can be.

Ahmad: Listen to me please, Leyla, I can't say that I know much about depression but, that doesn't change the way I feel about you...I mean, I am here for you as much as you want me to be.

Leyla: ( sighs ) I know you mean it now, but this sickness can...

A: As you said it is a sickness so it also has a cure ...stumbling: It had a cure..right?

L: Yes kind of. I am managing it quite well actually and I am good most of the time, but I have some really bad days every now and then..and trust me when I say bad...I can hurt anything or anyone that comes near to me, I hate everyone ...myself, the world, I may even hate You...

She saw him gasping for air, and she felt guilty for emphasizing him in the last sentence

A: Leyla look, I am no expert, I have no idea about how you are feeling, but please give me some credit and let me help you on this.

He opened his palms, he was waiting for her to take his hands, but she leaned and put her cheek on it instead, he felt the warmth of one tear then two. He never felt so close to someone like this. 

They stayed there for two hours and Leyla felt a sudden urge to go back home. Ahmed insisted on leaving Leyla at her house. On her door, she looked at him. 

L: Can I ask you a favor? 

A: Yes, sure anything. 

L: Can you give me a hug? 

Ahmed's world was shaken once again that night.