A Thousand Hills

When in Namibia

It's been 5 months of nothing but bliss, Phakamile is not the man/villain I had painted in my head.
He's goofy and playful, not at all the intimidating gorilla size man I thought he was.
Unfortunately right now, he's being distant because my graduation ceremony is on Monday and only Lindzy and Gogo will attend.
Only 2 family members can attend the ceremony.

I'll be with him shortly there after for a celebratory lunch.
It doesn't help that my birthday is in a month's time and he doesn't get why I want to be alone on the actual day.

Since Kwezi's death, I have never celebrated it with people, back in Varsity I'd just let it pass with no big deal but when I started making some money I started solo travelling.
Usually I go for a weekend but for the past 3 years I take a week if not 5 days straight.
It's been hard to explain to Phakamile why it's important I go to Zambia by myself, I've been planning it since December after the breakup

It's a nice tradition I've had for 9 years straight, this year marks 10 years since I lost her, so it's a big deal.
Lindzy made peace with it years ago and we usually do dinner before I leave, it started with a road trip to Venda, then it was Mpumalanga, Coffee's Bay and last year It was George.
This year is the first time outside of the country by myself, I've been wanting to swim at the Devil's Pool for a while now

"I won't pretend to know what's that like but the idea of you cooped up in another country by yourself doesn't sit well with me.
I know you're going to throw tantrums if I get someone to look after you" he says.

" I don't throw tantrums" he gives me a side eye when I say this

It's a typical Tuesday night and he's rubbing my feet while I tell him about having to take unpaid leave because I only have 4 leave days at my new job at the advertising agency.

He hates that I work there and make 15ks less than I was making while working with them but I don't mind. I was over paid at MM Holdings plus I hardly spend my own money these days.

He gave me a bank card and keys to an Audi RS7 the day we came back from Kzn, claiming he got them arranged after I had my accident while we were in Capetown.
When I said no, he insisted it was his fault I wracked my car. He also paid off the A1 and wants me to sell it.
I'm just not ready to, as much as it doesn't make sense to keep it.

He threatened to buy shares at the advertising firm but after a lengthy argument about boundaries, control issues and me being suffocated he backed down begrudgingly.
Sure it has its challenges but I really love working there

"It's safe, nothing is yet to ever happen to me while travelling alone", I can tell by his face, he has no intention of listening to reason that's why I refuse to argue about this

"It's not even that, I feel like sometimes you still punish me for the cameras, like you don't trust me with yourself.
The fact that I only found out last week that Khwezi is your twin and not just a younger sibling is fucked up.
Now you want to leave for 6 days straight" he says pinching my foot a little too hard

"Ouch.." I say pulling my foot away, he seems more hurt than angry so I move to sit on top of him, not as self conscious as I should be since the weight gain.

It's his fault really, all he does is feed me, fuck me and makes me late for gym to the point of not going so I've gained back most of the weight I lost in December

"At first you were just my boss so I didn't see the need, then the investigation happened so I just assumed you knew.
I wasn't intentionally keeping it from you, I think calling her my sister instead of twin is the reason" I say trying to reassure him because truly I have forgiven him