Battle Scars I - The Immortal

Chapter 8: Augmentation

1

02 April 25,020

"John, please, come in and take a seat." Dr. Lidsdale said as he opened his door to see me standing there.

"Thank you, Doctor." I said, going in and sitting in the usual chair.

"What is it that brings you here today?"

"It's the dreams Doctor. I'm starting to have them again. It's not impeding me yet in anyway, other than lack of rest, but they're worse now."

"Worse how John? What happened?"

I ran my hand through my hair.

"There were marines that I had come with us on our mission in Hung Jai. I let them go off on their own to make a distraction. Two of them were kill and one of them was..."

I stopped. I had been speeding up throughout my explanation. I took a deep breath.

"One of them was killed by me. Sogul, she was fatally shot before we reached them, but she was still alive. Amelia told me she was going to die, and I believe her. I wasn't going to leave her there to die alone. I know what I did wasn't wrong, but I can't shake the feeling that it somehow was."

My mind was going a bit wild. I had been discussing this with James and Amelia more. I wanted to know what the Doctor would say.

"When we fought the Calthesians, I took one hostage. They surprised me when they didn't fire immediately. They all hesitated, but in the end they shot after the one I had started yelling. The same principle applies to the situation I was in. If someone is going to die anyway why make them wait? But how am I any different from the enemy I'm fighting if I make the same choices as them."

The Doctor was silent for a long time.

"So, you are comparing yourself to a Calthesian, because you feel you made the same choice as one of them would have when you killed Sogul."

I strained. That wasn't exactly it. The problem I was trying to address was different. This had just been one of the ideas I had developed from the main problem. That question did nag at me though.

"Am I like them Doctor?"

He opened his mouth and then closed it, looking at me with old, tired eyes. A weary smile pulled at his lips.

"Let me ask you John, did you kill her out of cruelty? Was it your goal to kill one of the marines on that mission?"

"No, of course not!"

"Then, why would you be like a Calthesian. You've been told many times of their monstrous tendencies. They wouldn't think twice about killing their own men."

"But they did Doctor. That's the problem. Why did they hesitate?"

The Doctor looked away. He thought for a moment, and I could tell by his face that he was making a difficult decision. He looked back to me.

"You are intelligent enough John, to realize that everything is not as it is laid before you. You were told the Calthesians were pure evil, uncaring, and vicious beings. The Council would have you believe they were better dead than alive. The truth of the matter is this however: they are just like you or me. Living, breathing, intelligent creatures motived by some purpose to come here and wage this war. An enemy does not just show up out of nowhere for no reason, especially not like this.

"As to how you are different from them John, you really aren't. Though neither am I or even your friends. We all just have our own reasons for fighting. There is one thing you should remember though. Regardless of their reasons, they are here to kill us. They will kill you without a second thought, just as you killed them. You would do well to remember that. To you, they cannot be living things, with complex reasons. It would be better for you, easier, if you lived the lie of fighting reasonless monsters."