The Body In The Bayou

Ch. 54 - The Queen Of Swords

Aspen's POV

The moment I ripped my necklace from my neck and cast it into the water I feel as though I've gone back in time. I've joined the necklace at the bottom of the murky bayou. It's where I belong. With her. We were born together we should be dead together.

If I'd only been there more for her. If I was more present she could have opened up to me about her secret boyfriend. If I wasn't so selfish with my own life she wouldn't of hid him from me. If I was worth anything I could have begged her to stay in Colorado with me. One question is all it took: "Don't leave Foxy, please stay?" Five simple words and I'd still have my sister here. She'd still be beautiful and alive and laughing. But life, her life, all comes down to 'if'.

If I'd been a better sister - a better human being, she'd be alive. There isn't a doubt in my mind, my sister is dead because I wasn't there for her.

The moment I threw away the necklace I've retreated back to the state of mind where time both stands still and moves like a flash. In the backseat of the Chy's car I stare out the window lost in my spiral. And I never want to come back out of it. I deserve to rot in this shell I've become. My neglect is the reason I'm here and why my family will suffer each and everyday. My neglect is why I lost her.

"Aspen?" Chy's voice calls from outside the void but I don't care to respond and his voice is soon forgotten.

I succumb willingly to the pain as my body is responding with hushed whimpers and my hands attempting to soothe the internal pain by gently rubbing my own arms. It's disconnection. A severed line I've cut from reality. Being here in this pain is my last coping mechanism to escape from reality where my sister is gone and I'll never speak or hear her voice again. This deep unrelenting pain is better than accepting the truth that my sister is gone and I failed her.

"Penny?" This time an accented voice breaks the dark barriers and I nearly feel the urge to clutch onto it. Nearly. His voice penetrates the surface again but I cling harder to my despair. I deserve this. God took the wrong the twin. And I'm welcoming this punishment with open fucking arms. "We need to do something?" The alluring voice is drenched with worry.

"Drop the bitch off at a mental institute. I've got a granny there."

"For fucks sakes, Chy."

"She's fucking rocking back and forth! Yo, Aspen!"

I clasp my ears with my hands not wanting their voices invading my suffering. I need it. I'm desperate for it. "Penny, c'mon girly, don't do this now."

The voice is right, I should have done this a long time ago. No, I should have continued like this all year. I should have never came to Louisiana. I should have never played in futile and pathetic fantasies of finding justice for my sister or falling for someone. Things like these simple pleasures only happen to those who deserve it. And I am not deserving. What I deserve is to be engulfed in this pain because I failed Foxy. My neglect led straight to her death. I am the catalyst. I am her killer.

"I have an idea."

"Chy, no metal institutions."

"No, it's just as effective though." He chides and the car turns just as a firm embrace pulls me close and holds me firmly.

The strum of a steady heartbeat breaks the barriers of self hatred and I find myself fixated on it. It's soothing and reminds me of her. The first sounds and memories of my sister, surely were the quiet beats of little heart close to mine.

🌙

Bash's POV

This girl has officially lost it.