Little Miss Imperfect

New Wounds

Tw:sh
body shaming?

                            ~Alissa~

I woke up on the ground confused the next morning until I noticed the letter on my head. I picked it off and read it. I giggled a little when the memory flooded back.

I quickly got up from the ground and threw on a simple long sleeved blue shirt with loose fitting jeans and stared at myself in the mirror. I looked ok I guess. Then I quietly left my room.

To my surprise my dad wasn't down stairs so I left without any trouble but made sure to not make a noise.

Once I got into my car I finally shot Luz a good morning text before I pulled out of the driveway. She soon replied with a 'morning blondie' which I looked at happily before leaving.

"Here we go again " I mumble to myself reassuringly as I slowly walked into the building.
I was greeted with the usual hellos which I ignored as I walked to my locker where I found Solar and Will talking.

"Hey Alissa!" They both greeted happily. I rushed up and hugged them with all my force.
We giggled and chatted a bit until the bell rang and we decided to say bye. I gave them another hug but then I felt Solar's hand move to my lower back and then tense up.
I froze in place.

"Hey Alissa I hope you don't mind me asking this time but have you lost weight?"

There it was.

"Umm I...uhhh..I. I don't want to talk about it" I finally finished.
"Just saying you really aren't getting any prettier by losing weight" Solar said with her hand on her hip. "That came out wrong I meant tha-."

"Solar!!" Will quickly shouted.
"No it's ok Will she's right" I said with tears in my eyes.
"I'm just going to go" I said running away from the scene, I needed to be alone.

Once I closed myself in a bathroom stall I sat down and cried. I cried so hard I couldn't breathe.
" she's right you are never going to be pretty!" I shouted at myself.
"I'm a waste of time!"

I grabbed my fore arms cradling myself. I tried my hardest to stop myself but the pain was unbearable i dull my fingers into my skin and dragged them along. I made new wounds and opened up some that had already healed. It stung so bad but at least I was in control. I didn't stop until I heard Luz's voice from the outside.
"Alissa are you ok in there?" She asked in a fearful tone.

I sniffed.

"Can I come in?" She asked softly.
I wiped my fingers against my thighs before opening the door.
Her eyes locked with mine then drifted to my arms.
"What have you done Alissa?"

                               ~Luz~

I sat down next to Alissa on the floor rubbing her back and helping her breathe.
"I want you to breathe in and out for me" I said calmly to her.
Once she regulated her breathing I pulled out my first aid kit and started tending to her cuts.

There was silence between us until Alissa spoke, "can I ask you a question?" She said softly.
"Sure" I responded.
"Shouldn't you be in class?"
"You matter more" I simply said to her.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked back.
"Ok" she responded.
"Why'd you do it?"
She sighed
"I don't know" she confessed

"Can I ask you something else?" She stared at me.
I nodded.
"Why on earth do you have an entire aid kit?"
I could tell she was asking jokingly, trying to lighten the mood but I decided to give her the full truth.
"I used to do something similar," I let out a heavy chuckle. "That was a while ago though, I'm six months clean," finally I looked up at her again.
Alissa just kept her eyes fixed on her wounds.

I finished wrapping her arms in bandages then stood up, and lifted her bag.
"I'm not going to let you hurt yourself Alissa ... you matter too much,"I said as a light blush appeared on my face.

"Your going to be ok" I told her reassuringly. She simply nodded as we started packing up our stuff before leaving.

We weren't about to go back to class so I went to the nurses office, to tell her we had an appointment and we would not be coming back today. Weirdly enough she didn't ask questions and let us go.

I somehow managed to drive Alissa and I to her house on my motorcycle which was not easy, she was weak and I basically had to hold her up. One thing I can't complain about is the feeling of her arms around my waist as I drove us.

I took her keys from her bag and opened the door. I stumbled in and shut it behind us, then threw her onto the couch. I was getting my shoes off when I looked up and saw the one person that should not have been here.

Alissa's dad