Damaged Together

Chapter Six

I was drenched in sweat by the time I finally got back home.

I let myself in and put my clothes that were left in the washer machine in the dryer.

I walked up to my room. I was home alone, Alec was out with friends and my parents were both at work. I laid down on my bed and grabbed the picture off of my nightstand. It was a picture of me and Ellie. Before all the issues. When she was just my big sister and not my bully and abuser.

It was my 6th birthday and she was about to be 8, Alec had just turned 4. Our parents had taken us to the zoo for my birthday and we begged to feed the giraffes. We pleaded and pleaded. Mom and dad finally said yes, we were so happy and my dad snapped the picture while Ellie and I were grinning at each other.

We are holding hands, wearing identical outfits with our hair in pigtails. We look so innocent, so happy, because we got to feed the animals that we were so fascinated by.

I held the picture to my chest and felt a tear trickle down my face. I try not to cry. It makes me feel weak.  But the support group I used to go to said it was good to cry. My parents thought that sending me to a place to “talk about my feelings” would solve all the problems.

 Some people there were addicted to drugs, alcohol or cutting, some were being abused at home, bullied at school or were just sad in general.

I never really talked about why I was there other than the fact that my sister had just died when the other members asked. I never talked about my cuts.

But without the meetings I might be in a much worse place than I am now. So I was somewhat grateful for them. But it was also something I dreaded when I had to go. Because the night after it, I would come home and miss how things used to be ten times more than usual. I would wish my parents would just be happy and Alec wouldn’t be so cold and even though Ellie made me feel terrible about myself, I would wish she could come back. And everyone would still be happy. It’d still be normal.

I laid my head down, reminiscing the good times. My eyelids began to feel heavy and I slowly drifted to sleep with the picture lying next to me.

“ALYSSIA ANN,” I was suddenly woken up. When I heard my mom yelling my middle name I knew all hell was going to break lose. Great.

I stood up and poked my head out of the door, “Yes?” I said in a tiny voice.

“Get your ass down here. NOW.” My mom yelled from downstairs.

I rolled my eyes and walked down the hall to the stairs, she was standing at the base of the stairs holding my laundry basket in her hands. “Why was this in the laundry room?”

“Well, I had to do laundry and I was going to bring it up when the clothes were done.” I made sure I didn’t have attitude in my voice. I didn’t feel like fighting tonight. I was too exhausted.

“Why isn’t your laundry done? You’ve been home all day haven’t you?” She asked accusingly.

I sucked in my breath; I knew this was going to turn volatile. I could hear it in her voice. She was getting me frustrated already.

“Yes mother.  I fell asleep cause I didn’t have a bed to sleep on last night cause my parents didn’t want me home!” I said with my voice raising.

“Maybe if you weren’t such a fuckup than we would have wanted you here! Why can’t you be more like Ellie?!” she shouted so loud I was worried the neighbors would hear.

“Sorry mom. Sorry I’m not perfect like Ellie was.” I spoke very sarcastically. “I cannot wait till the day I can leave here. Leave and never speak to you again!” I said with my words laced with anger.

“Go to your room. Don’t come out for the rest of the night.” She shouted.

“I am almost 16-fucking-years-old and you are sending me to my room? Really mom, really?” I was pissed beyond belief. I barley consider her to be a parent towards me and she was going to send me to my room?

“I don’t want to see you, you ugly, worthless, piece of shit.” She emphasized each word.

And each word she spoke was like a punch in the stomach. I felt the tears pool at the bottom of my eyes again and I turned my heel and walked to my room.

I lay down on my bed, cursing life. I began to silently cry. The worst crying. Because your suffering silently and all I want to do is scream out.

Sometime early in the morning I fell into a deep, dark, dreamless sleep.

I woke up to my alarm clock on my phone. I trudged down stairs to get some clothes from the laundry room. I grabbed a pink and white striped sweater and some lighter washed jeans. I went back upstairs and although last night was terrible I was in a good mood.

I threw the clothes on and did my hair and makeup. I grabbed my backpack off my floor and put my black vans on. I grabbed an apple from the fridge and was able to dodge my family as I walked outside.

The walk to school my thoughts consisted of Jesse, no matter how much I tried to push him out of my head. I was happy that it was cooler today and I was glad I was wearing long sleeves though.

 I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. Nobody ever texts me in the morning, weird.

I grabbed my cell and read:

Hey, meet me by the entrance of the school when you can.

-Jesse

I responded with a quick “Ok.” Wondering why he wanted me to meet him.

I walked up to the school a couple minutes later and saw Jesse leaning against the wall by the doors into the school. God, he looked so hot. He was wearing a red long sleeve, black beanie and fitted jeans. I walked up to him and waved.

Wow, really Alyssia? All you can do is wave. I thought to myself. God, I am so lame.

“Hey Lysa.” He said grinning.

I cleared my throat, trying to find my voice. But his smile left me captivated. I was finally able to squeak out a hello.

“I just wanted to make sure everything was alright. And I guess just see what’s going on.”

I felt warmness flow through me. He was checking up on me. I can’t even remember the last time someone cared enough to make sure I was okay. “Thank you Jesse. I really appreciate it. And my mom and I fought again last night, but it’s whatever.” I said dismissively.

“It’s not ‘whatever’ Lysa. What happened?” he asked concerned.

“She was just being a bitch. It’s okay. It really is.” I responded.

He just nodded although I saw uneasiness etched on his face. Then he did something I didn’t expect, he grabbed my hand and laced his fingers in with mine, with all the people around us there. He led me into school with a lump lodged in my throat. I felt butterflies everywhere and tingles where his skin was touching mine.

It was a feeling I’d never felt before.

And that scared me.

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I am so sorry I haven’t been able to update!

I left my laptop at my dads house and I have been crazy busy./:

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You guys are fabulous. & I am craving chocolate covered pretzels. Whoops.