Damaged Together

Chapter Twenty Six

Once the last bell rings I practically sprint out of my language arts class and out of the school. I play this weekend over and over in my head as I walk briskly home. When I step into my house I accidently run into my mom, “What are you doing home?” I ask, typically she goes into the office every single day.

“I had to take your brother to a doctor’s appointment so I stayed home.” She informs me.

I decide this would be a decent time to ask her for permission to go to Florida this weekend. “So, Bri asked me to go to Panama City Beach with her this weekend.” I decide to leave out the part that the boys will be with us.

“Okay…” She responds blankly. After I don’t respond realization crosses her face, “Oh, you were asking for permission. Yeah, whatever, just be home Sunday night.”

“We have Monday off.” I try not to push my luck but Bri already lectured me why we have to go this weekend since it’s a 3 day weekend and that gives us a full day longer.

“Okay, whatever. Be home Monday night.” She turns and continues to walk to her bedroom. Hell yeah, she’s being nice today.

A smile crosses my face so big that it almost hurts. I take the stairs by two to get upstairs to begin to pack. I grab my suitcase from the shelf in my closet and set it on my bed. I open my drawers preparing to pull some clothes out.

Then, realization hits me right smack in the face. Panama City Beach. Beach equals shorts and bathing suits. Shorts and bathing suits equals cuts and scars.

I sink down onto my bed. My good mood completely diminished.

I can’t let anybody see them. I can’t let him see.

I grab my phone and call Bri. She answers on the second ring and before I can even get a word out she shrieks into the phone causing me to pull it away from my ear.  Her excitement makes my stomach sink and tears well in my eyes.

Once she settles down and stops yelling in my ears I grow the lady balls and tell her, “Bri I can’t go.

After a long antagonizing pause I hear her voice quietly, “Did he say he didn’t want to?”

“No he’s so excited… And so am I. But… my…” I can’t finish. I ruin everything.

“Oh my gosh. I didn’t even think about them. Damnit. I am so sorry Alyssia.” I swear she can read my mind.

“I am so sorry I ruined this.” My voice cracks and I will myself not to cry.

“Are you sure you can’t go?” She questions.

“I love him. I just can’t lose him yet.” I picture myself telling him and him walking out. Leaving me. For good.

After a silence that seems as though it is a century she speaks, “He loves you. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you, they light up, they focus in on you and he doesn’t pay attention to anyone else. There’s always a faint smile on his mouth when you are around him and he looks at you with so much intensity that even I can feel it radiate off of him. His hand constantly finds yours even when I know he’s not looking to hold it. He doesn’t even look at other girls when your around and I know he loves you.. And I know you love him. But how are you guys supposed to have a genuine relationship when he doesn’t know a crucial part of your past?” I can tell she is trying to be careful since she is walking in unknown territory but she knows she’s right.

And I know she’s right.

“Okay.” I state.

“Okay?” She inquires.

“I am going to do it.” I reassure her.

“Seriously??? I am so fucking proud of you.” I can hear her sniffling and holding back tears.

I attempt to lighten the mood to keep us both from breaking down, “So when will you and Conrad be here to pick me and Jess up?”

“At 9 tonight. We are all going to take turns driving throughout the night. With stops and everything we will get there before 10 in the morning, giving us the rest of the day to do whatever.” Her mood is obviously brightened.

“Awesome.” I need to ask her for something else now and the pit in my stomach grows, “I need your help with something else… If Jesse doesn’t freak out about everything then I want to take the next step with him. I feel like that is the only thing holding me back and once he knows then everything is out in the open and I am ready to be fully committed to him. But, I don’t have anything… Like to be prepared…” I walk around what I am actually trying to get at.

“Wait do you mean for you to wear to like get the mood started or for like him to wear once the mood is already started?” She laughs at my expense and my cheeks turn pink.

“Both.” I admit.

“Okay, I will drive over there now and Conrad will just meet us later. We will go to the mall and to Walgreens and get everything you need.”

We say our goodbyes and I start packing.

I throw a couple pairs of shorts into suitcase; I grab my favorite pair of jeans and throw them on top. These are the only pair I am bringing for the weekend which will practically force me to tell Jess.

I get the black dress that Bri let me have after Jesse and I’s date and throw that into the bag, along with a bathing suit cover up that I haven’t worn in forever.

While I am in my bathroom getting all my toiletries I hear a knock on the door and Bri’s voice filling the house.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2 updates in 2 days. Also known as my apologies to yall for slacking so much.

I wrote this in class today on paper and transferred it onto my laptop once I got home and I was so scared that my teachers were going to look over my shoulder and see me writing something “inappropriate” or whatever.

I also found out today that my grandmother passed away this morning, so there won’t be an update for the rest of the week but there probably will this weekend or early next week.

Thank you guys for reading. Remember to vote because I love you guys.

Emily