Damaged Together

Chapter Forty Seven

Jesse’s POV

My plan is to head to my bedroom as quickly as possible without getting noticed by anyone but as soon I step into the house I run smack into my mom. She wobbles, clearly not balanced in the first place. I grab her elbow to steady her and she leans completely on me. “Hey son, how are you doing?” She slurs her words and latches on to me. I smell alcohol on her breath.

I long for a drink. Just a single drink. But I know I can’t because if I do I put my relationship with Alyssia at risk. I still haven’t even told her that I used to beat Jack. I don’t even want to think about how she’d react if she found out that I have recently. I shudder at the thought.

The similarity of our stories is chilling. Except that the roles are reversed. She’s my Jack and I’m her Ellie. But the difference is that I will never forgive myself for the things that I’ve done and I don’t believe Ellie ever cared that she was hurting Alyssia.

And even though I want so badly to get better for her I smell the Scotch on my mom’s breath and my stomach ties in knots. Just one drink.

I gently push my mom off of me and head for the kitchen. I grab the opened bottle and go to my room, leaving my mom alone in the living room.

Without thinking I tip back the bottle letting the liquid burn down my throat, an all too familiar feeling.

And I continue to do that until the bottle is half way gone and I am slightly tipsy- it’s almost scary how much I have to drink to get me drunk. I close my eyes and lean against my wall. Alyssia’s face appears in my head. Another knot ties in my stomach but rather than a yearn for alcohol I now just want Alyssia to be with me.

I dig my phone out of my pocket and text her, attempting to clear my head.

As I wait for a response an internal battle is raging inside of my head- to drink or not to drink?

I began to bring the bottle up to my face only to bring it back down. I began to walk to the bathroom to dump it down the drain only to sit back down again.

I repeat that process multiple times until she responds. I then head to the bathroom and empty the remainder of the bottle into the sink. About halfway through Jack walks in the bathroom, “Sorry, I didn’t know you were in here,” he mutters before starting to walk back out.

I fumble with the bottle, “No, it’s okay, one second,” the last splash of liquor leaves the bottle. “Go ahead,” I step out of the bathroom letting my little brother in.

He looks down at the empty glass container and gives me a small smile before closing the door behind him.

A weight seems to be lifted off my shoulders, I just need to keep doing that, pushing away alcohol. And I made a small step with Jack.

I am basically sober so I decide to call Alyssia. After the fifth ring her voice fills the speaker but it’s just her voicemail. I don’t bother with leaving her a voicemail so I toss my phone to the side and try to think of something to fill my time.

I realize that mine and Alyssia’s four month is coming up in a week, however it seem like I’ve known her so much longer.

I think back to the first time I saw her and how she blew me away. There was something different about her. I knew I wanted her. The thought makes me smile. She was so shy and timid, she still is now but she’s also herself, she laughs and makes corny jokes and she debates with me and pouts in the most adorable way.

I love how she’s grown so much in just the little amount of time I’ve known her. And I want to grow with her. We’ve both come a long way and I hope to go much longer.